Attitude: Essential v Non-Essential

Over the last few weeks I have seen what seems like elitism among workers in the United States. It’s great to feel important. We all want to feel that way. But when you use that, in any form or fashion, to make others feel bad, you need to check your attitude. I don’t care if you’re a CEO, accountant, factory worker, office worker or janitor. If you have a bad attitude, you’re a jerk.

I have seen posts online from people who are deemed essential talking down to others who they don’t know or who they know to be non-essential. They let them know how they’re important and that obviously the other person wasn’t considered important enough to continue to work.

First, if you get off talking to people that way, you really need to look inside yourself to see why you feel so bad about yourself. Obviously you have felt inferior and suddenly have some newfound sense of power. And you also obviously have no idea of how to handle this imagined power.

Secondly, do you realize that you speaking down to someone makes you look spiteful? Maybe you have been this kind person all your life. Or maybe you have thought you were kind. But suddenly these hateful words are spewing from your mouth or fingertips as you carelessly type them out.

Third, when you pontificate on how essential you are, you forget that unless you own the business, you are just a worker. Just like the rest of the employees of the world. We all play a role in life. (Read that again.)

Most of us are truly grateful for essential employees. Most of us wish essential employees received more than they’re getting. Personally, though, when I hear or see the hateful comments, I really don’t think much of these people. If I know them personally, I wonder if I ever knew them at all. I wonder how they became so malicious.

I have thanked each and every essential worker I have encountered. I want them to know how much I have appreciated their hard work. I know they have worked hard in whatever capacity their job is.

I had been classified as non-essential and was told I needed to stay home. I stayed home, as directed. It didn’t feel good to do that. I am someone who has worked since I was 13 years old. So to go home was disheartening. And then to see people ripping into others and myself because we were home was not only painful but it also angered me.

I work hard. I have always work hard. And for someone to try to diminish who I am and what I do is just a slap in the face. I’m no longer hurt by it. Now I am just angry that people can be so vile and vicious. Especially when they’re no better than anyone else.

If any of this resonates with you, consider your behavior. If you have acted negatively toward someone, maybe you should apologize or at the very least change your behavior.

This pandemic is something new to everyone and we should all be in the same boat. If you are trying to sink my boat, please remove yourself. Life is tough enough as it is. I don’t need someone trying to fill my boat with water. I need someone scooping that water out with me as fast as they can.

One Important Thing I Have Learned

I learned this a long time ago. But this pandemic, quarantine, isolation craziness has really taught me something. I’m tired of waiting on life. I am tired of waiting.

We only get one shot at life. One. That’s it. And if I am not happy with something, then I need to get my ass in gear and change it.

I used to think that if I played by the rules that everything in life would fall in place. It doesn’t. I used to think if I was nice enough that life and people would be nice to me. They weren’t. I used to think that good things happened to good people. They don’t always.

Now does this give me the right to be mean or take advantage of others? Not at all! All it means is that I need to examine my life and what I want and see what I can do to try to get those things. I don’t have to be a horrible person. But I have realized that some things haven’t worked that I was told would.

I want some different things that would enhance my life greatly. I am not going to get them by dreaming and hoping. If that was the case, I would have had them several years ago. Frankly, I am tired of dreaming and hoping.

I am not sure exactly what my plan is yet. But I am sure that I need to work on a plan.

Day 500 Million In Isolation

This isolation thing is wearing on me. My nature is that I am an ambivert. When I am with my people I am extroverted. They make me happy. You’d never know I am an introvert at heart. But as soon as I leave them, I am a complete introvert. Being alone recharges me. But enough is enough! I need a hug! I need to have dinner with friends. I need to work.

I haven’t worked in 3 weeks. That sounds awesome, right? It would be if I was rich or had a spouse to depend on. I am not rich and I do not have a spouse. It’s me. And 2 cats. Who thought I would miss working? Many times that is where I get the socialization I need. Then I come home to the isolation I need. I want to work and want to come home to be alone. I don’t want to go to work in order to see other humans. That is almost sick!

I feel like I have watched everything good on TV. I haven’t. I actually found a docuseries tonight that is decent. But I am tired of TV. I want conversation. In person. I am grateful for my friends who do check on me periodically. It’s nice to hear another voice. But I miss seeing faces and hugs.

I want to yell and scream at people who are not following social distancing guidelines. For goodness sake! Do you not understand that if we don’t do this that this is going to continue?! I can’t live like this! Sit your ass down if you are non-essential and suffer like the rest of us! We have got to get through this so we can move forward.

It’s kind of like when we were in elementary school and there was that bratty kid who acted up and got the whole class in trouble. Well, the trouble is you’re endangering others and potentially killing them. Think about that. Your recklessness is causing others to die.

I go out when I have to get something. The basics. Then I bring my butt back home and I sit here and I whine and moan and cry. Yes, I cry. Real tears. I miss my friends and family. I miss myself! But I love my friends and family and myself too much to put any of us in danger.

Take this seriously. This is a life and death situation. Respect the people who are working to keep this country going. And if your job is non-essential (yes, I hate that term), then please just wait this thing out. Please. I want to live my life again. Don’t you?

Fighting the Enemy

I won’t lie. I fight depression a lot. Some people view it as a weakness. I really don’t care what they say. The old adage of walking a mile in someone’s shoes is true. You don’t know about someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. And if your foot can’t fit in my shoes, then keep your judgments to yourself.

You can dislike me for all that I am towards you, but don’t judge me for who I am in general. You have no clue as to what brought me to this point. It has been a long and painful road.

I really thought 2020 was going to be a good year. That was foolish. The first two months I was sick as a dog. The third month I barely worked. The beginning of the fourth month and it looks like no work this month.

So my biggest enemy has come and I am fighting hard. Fear and anxiety are here and I wonder what is going to happen. I am laid off until who knows when. When you live alone, that is scary. I am basically isolated and living in something like solitary confinement. Thankfully my confined space is large and I have tv, books and projects. But I don’t have other humans and even though I sometimes just want to be alone, too much is too much.

Tonight I got to thinking, “What if I died? Would anyone even miss me? Would they know I died?” Yes, I think things like this. I don’t have immediate family who checks in on me daily. It’s a scary thought. It’s also a very disheartening and sad thought.

So yeah, I get sad, anxious and depressed. I fight it hard. And sometimes I just get weary.

Isolation Education

I have really learned a lot over the last two weeks. I haven’t been working and have been at home ALONE with my two cats. While I am an introvert, I have found that sometimes I do want human interaction. I have also found that there are some humans I can just do without. There have been days when the only voices I have heard came from my TV or me talking to myself or the cats. Sometimes I have found that the conversations I have with my cats are much better than some I have had with other humans.

I have also watched other human behavior, whether it was online or when I have had to run to the store for supplies. It’s almost like a sociology experiment except that it is real life. And it’s a pandemic. I have seen people who don’t have much offer what little they had to others because they are generous and kind people. I have also seen people with a lot take all they could out of fear and greed. I have seen people be what I call “Facebook nice” which is where they offer help, an ear or whatever someone needs and then when called upon they just can’t for whatever made up reason. I have also seen where people have heard of a need and just stepped up because it was the right thing. People are interesting and amazing.

I have also learned that sometimes my habit of procrastination has given me projects to fill time. I have arts and crafts to do and finish. I don’t just sit around and watch tv all day. I actually work on things. Sometimes I watch tv, but it does get old after a while.

I have learned that I touch my face a lot. I keep hearing “don’t touch your face!” I am usually touching my face when I hear this on the news or radio.

I have learned I like wearing jammies all the time. I wonder when I go back to work if my boss is going to be ok with me wearing jammies to work? Most likely not. Damn.

I have learned that I still know how to cook. Man! I’m a good cook! But I will say that it makes me sad cooking for one. Cooking for others is like a love language for me.

I have also learned I have a handful of friends who will truly check on me to make sure I am ok. I would like for that number to be more since I know so many people. But the ones that have actually done a real check in with me genuinely care about me.

When you have nothing but time on your hands, you start paying attention to things. Maybe we should live like we have too much time on our hands all the time. We might see life a lot clearer.