In a couple of hours it will be my birthday. At this age birthdays usually don’t mean much. Well, they do to me. This birthday is especially significant. I share a birthday with my mother. She has been gone for 24 years. This birthday I will be the same age as she was when she died.
This birthday makes me think. It is a mix of emotions. I am happy to make it to 49. I am sad Mama isn’t with me. I am scared. I know that our days are numbered and we don’t know when our number will come, but I really want to live longer than she did.
I don’t want to live in fear. I want to live my dreams. I want to be happy. I want so many things. I shouldn’t tell you my birthday wishes, but these are my wishes. Maybe it’s not so bad since I’m not blowing out candles? I don’t know.
All I do know is that I am about to be 49 and it’s not scary because I’m getting older. It’s scary because I might not get any older.