survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

2015: A Personal Review

I went into 2015 with a lot pain and trying to believe it could get better. I am not the same person I was going into the year as I am now. That is a good thing!

I was at a point where I was unsure if life could get better. I prayed hard that I could find a new job and be able to make changes to feel better. Those prayers were answered! I found a job in a place where I am valued and have the chance to use my skills. I’m able to be involved and give input. I have regular hours. I have met wonderful people that I consider to be good friends. I have lost weight.

With all of this comes changes within myself. I had become a person I didn’t like. As I changed, I began to slowly become myself again. At first it was hard to recognize myself. Who was this woman who smiles and laughs? It was me! I can laugh! And I like to do it!!!! It felt good to be Amy again. I didn’t realize how much I missed myself.

I reacquainted myself with old friends. I found new friends. And I lost touch with some old friends. I hate that I lost touch with old friends. That hurt a lot. I tried to reconnect but sometimes you just have to wait on them and give them time or just accept that it is what it is. But it has been wonderful getting back in touch with old friends. And I have loved meeting new friends.

Then there was the whole dating thing. That was scary! There are some bad ones out there. But the good news is that there are some good ones, too! I was lucky enough to find a great one! He is a good man who I can’t say enough good things about.

2015 has been pretty good. There have been some bumps along the way. But you can’t appreciate the good without having some bad from time to time.

 

Helping Others

I love helping others. This year I have had the opportunity to help others in small ways and it has been such a blessing to me. Maybe some people don’t get it, but you’re doing yourself a favor by helping others. It can lift your spirits and make you feel something in your heart that is inexplicable.

This year I was blessed to have someone to share that joy with me. We laughed like kids as we got to shop for a child that needed things. It was a wonderful experience to share something that I am passionate about with someone else who has the same passion. I was fortunate enough to have a caring group at work who wanted to help a kid have a good Christmas so they all chipped in. I am grateful that they helped me experience something so dear to my heart.

If you have the chance, try helping others this holiday season in some way. You’ll find that your heart will be blessed in a way you never dreamed. It’s an amazing feeling.

Blessings!

Thanks A Lot

For so many years I hated the holidays. I liked what Thanksgiving represented but it made me sad. It was the beginning of a season that I hated. This year I decided that I was going to make 2015 my year. Things were going to be better! Some how! Some way! It was going to be better!!!! With a lot of prayer and a lot of of getting out of my comfort zone, 2015 has been my year so far. It hasn’t been without its pitfalls and pain. But they were lessons that helped me be stronger. I got back up swinging.

So I am very thankful. I reconnected with my family, both blood and chosen. I was welcomed with open arms. I felt loved again. I got back in church. I have been dating someone who makes me smile more than I have in a long time. I have discovered what happy is. Happy scares me but I am enjoying it.

I have so much to be thankful for. Every little thing is something to give thanks for. I look back at all I have gone through and realize that while some of it was pretty terrible, I need to be more grateful in life. I have been working on that. It is hard at times, but it really makes a difference.

Hurry Up Holidays!

I want the holidays to hurry up and be done. I hate this time of year. It’s funny…I like to do some of the things of the holiday season such as participate in Operation Christmas Child or buy a gift or two for Toys for Tots, but the rest of it I just wish would go away.

Why? It hurts. When you’re no longer a part of a family, it just hurts. I have people who I can connect with and I’m appreciative. I truly am. I am blessed! Some people have no one. So I hate to feel the way I do. But seeing all of the joy of the families brings back so many memories. Even though Thanksgiving isn’t officially here yet, I feel that ache already. It starts slowly and builds like a crescendo. Slowly the music becomes louder until it is almost deafening. That is how the pain of the holidays is.

I have said that 2015 is my year. So far it has been. I have done so many things that seemed impossible. So maybe surviving the holidays with minimal pain will be one. I sure hope. I am doing what I can to stop it. It is just a powerful thing that is quite emotionally charged.

I just wish they were over.

Judgment

We all make some sort of judgment about someone every day. We’re human; it’s going to happen. But we can try our best to stop it. When  we notice that ugliness inside of us starting to criticize or pick apart someone else, shut those thoughts down! You can choose to think about something else. Or if you can’t get whatever or whoever out of your mind, maybe say, “Who knows what they’ve gone through to get to this point?” Because honestly, do you  know what led them to that point?

None of us are perfect. And yes, we have all screwed up at some point or another. Aren’t you glad that you were able to get up and keep going? What if people kept pushing you down and tearing you apart? Some people do get treated that way. So how about not treating someone that way?

Maybe we should try to think a little more like Jesus. Matthew 7:1-5: “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and [a]by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how [b]can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Yes, we have to have discernment in life, but that doesn’t mean we should go around pointing out other people’s flaws. Get your own life perfect and maybe just maybe you have room to judge. But probably not. And discernment and judgment are completely different. Discernment is recognizing something and making a decision about whether it is good for you to do or not to do. Judgment is you actively judging another person’s actions in life. You need to realize that is God’s job. Let God do His job. He knows what He’s doing…I promise.

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