Happiness…quite elusive. It’s funny how we can get in the way of our own happiness, though. We allow others to tell us what is right or wrong. We allow others’ judgement to deter us from pursuing what would make us happy. The stigma of opinions makes us hold back. We end up making ourselves miserable.
It’s funny because at times we actually know exactly what will make us happy. We just refuse to do the thing it takes to get there. I wonder at times if it is just fear or if it is the fact that we are used to being miserable so we stay stuck in the misery because it is a known.
I know that I am tired of being unhappy. I am extremely tired. I have begun weeding out the people in my life that bring unhappiness. I don’t need that negativity in my life and, therefore, they can go make someone else unhappy or sit alone in their unhappiness. I have had enough.
I am also working harder to do things I actually enjoy. For too long I felt I didn’t deserve time to do the things I loved. I do deserve those little things. I have also begun trying to spend more time with the people I care about the most. If I spend time with someone willingly, I really care. I want to be with them. I used to just do whatever others dragged me along to do and I don’t do that anymore. I now purposefully spend time with people I truly care about.
I also do not allow myself to be stuck in situations that I hate. I have been in workplace situations I hated and stayed too long. They drained me and made me feel miserable.
I stayed in relationships that made me miserable and a couple that were abusive because I believed in “love” and all that. Real love doesn’t hurt you. I refuse to stay in a situation anymore that causes me to feel inadequate, full of pain and self-loathing. I won’t do that anymore. I don’t believe that is what my life was designed for and I don’t feel I am my best self when I am living in that environment.
I may not be where I want to be in life, but I am working at getting there. I am a work in progress and hopefully I will get there.