It seems that when I think I get things right that life has something else in store for me. And it laughs at me for ever having thought that I had it right to begin with. You stupid woman! Why would you ever think you could win at this game? (sadistic laughter in the background)
Something or someone will inevitably be wrong. I will have misjudged someone and let my guard down. Since I keep walls around me up like a fortress, letting them down is hard. When I let them down, you have to be someone I trust and/or love. If that trust is broken, those walls go back up at warp speed and are unlikely to come back down for a very long time. If they do, there will be a lot of apologizing and then a lot of showing me that the apology meant something. Words are nothing without actions.
I have also been in a situation where I didn’t realize until too late that it wasn’t what it was supposed to be until too late. I usually try to make the best of it until I can make my escape. Sometimes it is worth speaking with the person who mislead me but most times not. Most times that person honestly doesn’t give a shit that they did something immoral. All I can do is chalk it up to a lesson learned.
While these things do happen, I cant be so jaded that I keep myself closed off forever. A piece of me wants to. Maybe I would never get hurt if I did that. But then I would be hurt from trying to not get hurt. It’s a catch 22.