There have been a lot of negatives about 2020. A lot. But one thing is I have learned a lot this year. A lot. I have learned a lot about myself and also about others. Some of those things were good and some were really heart breaking. But knowledge is typically always a good thing. It will help you in the long run.
One thing I learned about myself is that while I knew I was an introvert, I can be an absolute hermit and survive. I don’t like being alone as much as I have been but I can handle it. I have learned that total isolation for long stretches does wear on you and can bring about loneliness and makes you knit pick yourself to death, but I would rather look at my own flaws than have others point them out for me. I am able to typically find something to do, whether it is eating, sleeping, reading, watching tv, crazy projects or any number of things to try to keep my mind busy. I miss people. I do. But I have always been self-reliant and I am more so now than ever. I have learned over the years that I am the only person I can ever truly depend on. That was a hard lesson to learn. And it took a lot of painful events to learn it, but I finally got it. It was helpful during isolation.
I have also learned this year that some people do not understand how to disagree like an adult. It has amazed me this year, more than others, at how mean and hateful people are when you disagree with them on anything anymore. I feel like we don’t have to agree on everything but we should do it respectfully. Some people want to pick fights and bully when you disagree. I would rather not. If you can’t have a civil conversation, just shut up. Honestly, there is enough negativity in this world to go around. Just really STFU.
Another thing I have learned is that no matter how smart someone is that they will make stupid choices. They will choose something that makes them miserable over and over because it is “the right thing to do” rather than looking at how they’re being affected daily. If something in life makes you miserable, it is time to reassess the situation. Nothing in this life is worth your happiness, self-worth or love. Nothing. Especially when there is the opportunity for you to live a fulfilling, happier life. The people in your life will love you enough to understand and adjust with you.
I have also learned that no matter how much you love someone that you can’t make them love you. Love can be a one-way street. No matter how much someone may care about you, you can’t make them love you. And at some point you just have to give up. There is no point in running into a brick wall over and over. That wall is never going to break. Sometimes, no matter how painful, it is time to move on. Maybe they’ll figure out what they lost. Maybe not. But you have to realize it’s better to move forward alone than to give your heart to someone who doesn’t want it and doesn’t deserve it. If they can’t see your value, they’re not worthy of you.
I’ve also learned that even though you put in all your efforts and exceed expectations, that someone will find fault in what you do. Every single time. They will also expect more. This happens in relationships and jobs. It doesn’t matter. You can go above and beyond and there will always be a question of “well, why didn’t you do….?” You can’t be Wonder Woman, Super Man or anyone else. You have to just do the best you can and let that be enough. If someone else wants something else done after you have done everything you could do, let them do it. You just smile and say, “That’s a great idea! Why don’t you take care of that!” And move on. Because if you don’t, they will expect you to keep giving until you have nothing left to give. You can’t pour from an empty vessel. Make sure you are giving yourself time to refill yourself.
I have also learned that when you express yourself and what you feel or need that some people will still make it about them. I used to take this personally. I have learned that sometimes people are trying to empathize. Other times they are just insensitive and uncaring. They are people who will never be able to see beyond their own bubble because something will only have affected them, from their perspective. It’s not worth my energy, my anger or anything else. Those people are not worth my time. I have learned that while it can sting and hurt my feelings that I can let it go. I have to usually do some breathing exercises and remind myself they’re incapable of real feelings and whisper “let it go. let it go. let it go,” until my mind and body relax. Most of the time I really don’t express what I need too often because of this very reason, but I have from time to time. And typically this is what I have to do to deal with the aftermath. Maybe I haven’t quite learned that lesson yet after all. I am a work in progress.
Finally, I have learned that there are some really good people in the world. I was so happy that my coworkers pulled together with me to do some charitable things this year to help others. It made my heart so happy to see all the good we did as a group. I really believe in this life it truly takes a village. And I feel like we need that village more now than ever. If you can help others, do. Your heart will thank you. Others will thank you. The goodness that you feel from doing something so positive will motivate you to keep feeling positive. I can’t do a lot but I can do a little with a lot of people. And I can motivate them to help me. And I have been blessed to have a lot of people who care about others the same way I do.