There are times when I wonder about the complexities of life. I wonder why some people have it so easy while others struggle so much. I wonder if I will ever feel truly loved. I wonder if there will ever be a time when I feel like I am “home”.
I try to quiet my mind when it gets restless. I busy myself. Sometimes to the point of exhaustion. When I am too exhausted to do anything but sleep, I can finally rest. If I am only tired, my body can rest but my mind will not. It does as it pleases. It will replay events and scenarios over and over and wonder what I could have done or should have done differently.
I have to remind myself that we can only live in the moment and hope for a better future. We can only do our best. I cannot undo my past. I can only learn from it. I have made mistakes and will continue to do so. I am only human. I have to keep reminding myself that I am trying each day to be a better person
There are times I believe all of this. There are times I don’t. There are times when I feel 10 feet tall and bullet proof. There are times when I feel like crying for no reason. There are times I lose hope momentarily. Thankfully I have friends who raise me up during those times. Because there are times when I need them because I don’t know what to do.
There are times I just want a hand to hold because I need to feel like all is right in the world. Maybe one day.