survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Archive for the tag “work”

Here’s the thing

The thing is lately I have been very frustrated with quite a few things. The job that I took has not turned out to be exactly what was explained to me. And that has caused some frustration. My hours are all over the place. I have to look at the schedule everyday to figure out when I’m supposed to be at work. I realize that sometimes work hours will change but I don’t feel like everyday should be different. I honestly never know when I’m supposed to be there. This Monday I went in 30 minutes early because of the crazy schedule. That’s frustrating.

I’m also been a little disappointed with a few people in my life. There’s been one person who has said some things that made me question quite a few things. And everytime I try to nail this person down to get some answers all I got was more questions. He’s very evasive. I don’t like that type of behavior. I’ve dealt with it all of my life and I’ve decided that at this point in life that I really don’t need that. If you can’t just say what you mean and mean what you say then there’s no point in saying anything at all.

Then on the other hand there is someone who is paying way too much attention to me. I’ve actually had to tell him to back off. He was blowing up my phone and it was just more than I wanted to deal with. And rather than him looking at the situation and saying oh maybe I should chill out a little bit he was more like well what’s your problem? Well, my problem, sir, is the fact that you’re being an overbearing asshole. So back the hell off.

Another thing is that I’ve just been plain old homesick. Well I’m in my hometown, my other home is in North Carolina. Today I got a message from one of my old best friends and she was escaping the hurricane and she went to Asheville. We both felt like it was the weirdest thing that she was there and I wasn’t. She text me while I was at work and it was all I could do to not just start crying at work because there she was where I’ve been longing to be for the last week. And it just kind of hit that here I am where I’ve been wanting to be for years and yet I’m longing to be there. And I know that part of the reason I want to be there is not good for me. But that doesn’t stop that little piece of me from wanting it. So instead of crying at work I sent her the names of places to go eat and things to do while she’s there.

So those are some of the things that I’ve been dealing with. It’s not just one thing. It’s several. I can typically handle one thing at a time but when it starts adding up to be multiple things sometimes I get a little overwhelmed and my feelings get a little in the way. I can’t help I have a tender heart.

So there’s the thing or actually things.

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Surviving Today

I had a bad feeling about today and my intuition was spot on. It’s funny like that. There are times you just know something. I wish it was like that all the time. You may have a feeling at times but it’s not always on the money. Today I could have bet on it and won.

I knew it was going to be a bad day from the moment I opened my eyes this morning. I would say I wasn’t disappointed, but I was. Several times. You’d think with the black cloud that I woke up with that nothing would phase me. It did. Repeatedly.

My tender heart had more than it could handle today. I had hoped to laugh in the evening with a friend over ridiculous stuff. More doom and gloom there. After a shot of tequila and a few snarky words that I may or may not regret, I fell asleep for a bit. Usually I wake up feeling a little better. No. Not tonight. I need to sleep and I have so much on my mind that I’m going to have to take something to help me rest.

I dread tomorrow. So much that I have tears in my eyes as I’m typing. I just pray that tomorrow will be better.

I’m going to push through it like Scarlett O’Hara. Tomorrow’s another day. And as God is my witness I’ll survive!

Seriously

I can be quite serious at times. Seriously. But sometimes I try to show my more humorous side.Why? Because my sensitivity and seriousness has always been a sore spot. I want

I take my work seriously, no matter what role it is. I take myself seriously in many instances when interacting with others. My goal in life is to help as many people as possible in whatever way I can. I am not always successful and often take these things to heart. I hate failing others and it truly bothers me when I am unsuccessful.

I also like to be happy. I have one of the most sarcastic and even silly senses of humor you’ll find. My grandma called me a smartass. I told her it was better than a dumbass. Grandma wasn’t as amused as I was. Thankfully my Mama found me to be hilarious.

I have to laugh to balance out the seriousness. If I didn’t, I would probably explode. There is so much in my life that is serious that I have to find things that are laughable, silly and just outrageous. I laugh at my love of makeup and cat videos. Are they ridiculous? Absolutely. They’re also quite unnecessary. But know what else they are? A relief in this overly serious life I live.

If someone is going to be in my life, they need to learn to live with this balancing act of mine. It’s not easy. I know. Seriously.

 

Feeling a Little Amish

After my move I didn’t have internet or cable for a few days. During that time I was able to get quite a bit of things done. I realized it was because I didn’t have internet or cable. I was very productive!

This led me to begin thinking about the Amish. I’ve always admired all of the things that they can get done without electricity. What a way of life! I mean they do so much. But I got to thinking about that. The reason they get so much done is because they’re bored out of their minds! No, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But how do they do it all the time? I’m serious. Over the course of four days with no internet or TV, I was ready to climb some walls.

I assume that they get a lot of things done because they have to. I mean they have large farms to handle. They have those big old Clydesdale horses to handle. But then after you handle the farm, I mean are you just too exhausted to want to do anything fun?

This led me to another realization. That’s why they have so many children. There’s no amusement for the adults other than sex. So therefore they have all these kids. I mean think about it… The kids have time to play with each other after school or working on the farm or whatever. But what do the parents have to do? Sex. Well we all know that sex leads to babies. So that’s how that happens. Which is probably a good thing for them since they have those big old farms.

Nobody Told Me

Nobody told me that this whole grown up thing was a sham. It really is. Bills, work, relationships. Bills keep getting bigger and I keep getting less for what I pay for. I work like crazy trying to pay for those crazy bills.

And then there’s the relationships. Sometimes I wonder why bother trying. I was recently in one for a few months. He loved me he said. He wanted to marry me he said. Then he didn’t he said. I felt a little like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. The breakup wasn’t on a post it. No, it was in a text. Yes, you read that right. A text. I was upset on many levels. Hurt, yes. Angry, absolutely! If you’re going to do something like that, have the courage to do it in person. That is just being a coward. And don’t pretend things are fine two days prior to the breakup. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

So after all of that nonsense, I’m moving forward with my life. It’s funny. I’m doing things I didn’t imagine I would. I am following my dreams for a change. I’m trying life out and being as brave as I can. I’m grateful for my faith in God and  I’m grateful for my supportive friends who have been there through the ups and downs.

 

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