survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Archive for the tag “single life”

Expectations

When we were younger we pretty much said whatever we wanted and really didn’t care what others thought. If it worked, great. If it didn’t, great. As we have gotten older, that doesn’t work. In every situation we must evaluate our words because they’re judged. There are some expectations in every circumstance when we communicate. Our words must have some meaning, some depth, some semblance of intelligence and humor all in one, or something like that.

I was thinking about this as I thought about some conversations about dating. The word “dating” immediately makes me shake my head and do an eye roll. I’m single so I shouldn’t do this. Dating is a necessary evil if I want to change my relationship status. But what also comes to mind with this horrific word is another word: expectations.

For many, online dating is the way to go. We are such a busy society that it is often difficult to meet people. Who wants to try to date at work? That’s a tragedy waiting to happen if something goes wrong. So many of us turn to dating sites to rescue us from the single state we seem to disdain so much. With this comes so many expectations!

We have to write a profile. Who likes describing themselves? Well, a narcissist would. But most people aren’t narcissists. Well, sometimes it does seem like they are, but I really don’t think so. The thing is that you’re selling yourself. As you write this profile you are hoping and expecting to find someone compatible. Some people spend hours writing and re-writing the profile because you want it to bring the perfect match.

Next we have to get the profile picture right. Do I look too fat? Do I look happy enough? Do I look too serious? The thing is that the person looking at your profile expects to find the perfect person. Expectations are high. If they’re paying to use the site, they want the biggest bang for their buck.

Next comes the interactions. All of the work has been put in and finally people are ready to chat, flirt, etc. It seems the expectations are different from what I have seen and heard. Men seem to want to flirt. But they don’t seem to know how to do it to the level of what women want. Women expect something more than, “Hey beautiful.” That crap doesn’t fly IRL and it certainly doesn’t fly in virtual world either. In fact, it is pretty annoying. Men, lemme give you a hint, if you’re looking at a woman’s profile, READ IT! We expect that. We expect nice words. We expect you to put some effort in!! “Hey.” That is not effort. I say that to the mailman. I am not asking him out.

But here’s another thing that I think we need to look at…ladies, I think we need to quit having such high expectations from these guys who really know nothing about us. Frankly, it takes some nerve for some of them to say hello. Sometimes they fumble over words and are not the brightest when it comes to what they should say. We are all different. So maybe we should give them a SMALL chance before swiping left. Sometimes you do just know. Believe me, I do know that. Especially if you know it was a copy and paste deal. But sometimes some of them have been as screwed over as we have. Sometimes some of them are as shy as we are.

Another thing I would like to tell men about expectations, women expect you to be a gentleman. If you don’t want to continue to see us, that is fine. But stop with the whole BS of ghosting. BE A MAN. Just say it. It’s really simple. Most women will agree. Most women will say that’s fine. But it really pisses us off when a man is such a coward that he can’t even say it. So man up!

All in all, I don’t think we should lower our expectations to a complete zero. I think, though, that we should all realize that we’re not perfect and we are dealing with other humans who aren’t as well. We stumble, fumble and fail. We’re not always going to get it right. We trip over our own tongues. Well, at least I do. There’s a reason I am single. I am great at communicating a lot of things, but not when it comes to matters of the heart. I am pretty sure there’s more out there like me who don’t always have the right thing to say and kick themselves for it.

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Update to Dating

I thought I would move forward like a man would. I just can’t. My heart isn’t like a man’s. I’m not ready to date. For now I’ll just let my heart mend. I have been asked out by a few guys and it just didn’t feel right. It’s not fair to them and I didn’t feel comfortable. So it’s best for now not to. I guess he meant more to me than I meant to him. Seems that is the way it goes in most cases anyway.

The Jewelry Store Has Faith

Diamond Ring

I got an email from a jewelry store with the subject: Find that special ring for the one you’re going to marry. Ummmm…you’ve got more faith than I do. And frankly, you have it COMPLETELY backwards! I ain’t buying the platinum! He is! And has he been talking to you about this and not me? Is this a whole secret admirer thing where I am supposed to guess? Do you have a psychic? WTF!?!?!

I ask these questions because the dates have not been real prosperous. I’m a first date kinda chick. I’ll kick the tires and if they don’t feel right, it’s on to the next. I don’t trust faulty tires, or bad lines. Both send me running like someone was trying to set my hair on fire. I like my hair.

Now if you want to set my heart ablaze, that is a whole other story. And a man who is old enough to date me should kind of have an idea. I do plan to write a letter to this future Mr. Wonderful (fictitious or not) soon so he will get it. Lead a horse to water and all that crap. If he won’t drink, drown his ass!

So, to the jewelry store, send the damned email to the right man, not me! I’m too busy working my ass off to stay afloat in this crazy life. I don’t have time to pine after that stupid 2 carat diamond that you think I should want. BTW, I don’t want that. I like diamonds. I actually LOVE diamonds! But I don’t want that ring. But thanks for caring!

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