survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Archive for the tag “past”

I hate this time of year

This time of year brings up a lot of negative feelings for me. It makes me reflect on could’ve, would’ve and should’ve situations. Holiday crap is upon us. I am working to the point where that is mostly my life.

I think of making changes and then I am unsure of how. Which changes do I make? I’m scared of change. Every change I have ever made seems to have gone wrong. It’s not easy to make changes at my age.

I don’t know what the answer is. I wish I did.

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When Happiness Was Easy

World-famous Crayola crayons are manufactured ...

Image via Wikipedia

Remember the days when happiness was that big ol’ 64 pack of Crayola® crayons? You could have a coloring book or just a lot of paper. It didn’t matter. Happiness was creation. And if you had that 64 pack of crayons  you could do anything! Right? Well, then they came out with bigger packs of crayons and then 64 wasn’t good enough. I wanted the bigger pack with MORE colors so that I could do more!

While the 64 pack made us happy for a while, we began to long for more and better. I think that pretty much sums up adulthood, too. We are briefly satisfied and then we start wanting more. Then we get a little more. It’s basically an addiction. You get a taste and you want more! Why? Because more equals better in most people’s eyes. It may not really be the case, but that is the way the majority of the world sees it.

Some days I just want that fresh pack of 64 crayons and some paper. I wonder if I’d be satisfied? Maybe momentarily. I know I would love the smell of those things. It was intoxicating. And I loved the fresh blunt point of a brand new crayon. I wasn’t happy when I had to peel the crayons to sharpen them. But I loved the sharpener. I mean, how cool was it having a built-in sharpener?! 🙂 I think I have learned through crayons that happiness is not always more. Yeah, it would be nice. But sometimes you’ve got to be happy with what you’ve got.

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