the ups and downs of life

Archive for the tag “hurt”

Live Honestly

Life is not easy and we all have our own demons. There are times when we may not want to share everything we are going through with others. That’s fine. The thing is that when you are interacting with others, you need to live honestly. That doesn’t mean you have to share every feeling you have at every moment of every day.

It would be easy if we lived our lives in a bubble and all that we felt and went through stayed within the confines of that bubble. Unfortunately, life is not that way. Because we are a society and we do interact with others, there is bleedover. This is especially true when we try to have interpersonal relationships. What is happening in your life will come through no matter how hard you try to contain it.

Living as honestly as possible can help with any negative interactions with others. If you are open and honest, you have nothing to hide. If you hide your feelings and then interact with someone, the chances of something bad happening go up exponentially. Avoiding the truth or lying will only compound any negative interaction. Silence, sullenness and defensiveness are all things that are defense mechanisms that can make a bad situation into an extremely painful and dramatic situation.

Just be honest. Don’t give pat answers. Don’t hide from what you feel. Own it. When someone else is involved in those feelings, it is always best to be as thoughtful as possible. Your feelings are impacting their life, whether it is negative or positive. They don’t deserve to be blindsided.

I have recently been in situations where people weren’t honest with me. Had the people been honest with me, I would have been able to make different choices. I don’t know that I could have protected my heart, but at least I could have dealt honestly with things that were very painful.

You Can’t Unring A Bell

The Bell of Nanbanji, made in Portugal for Nan...

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever heard the expression, “You can’t unring a bell“? I love it because it is so true! Once you do something, you can’t undo it. You can try to make up for it if you want, but the simple fact is that once it is done, it is done! That’s why it is so important to really consider something before you make a decision, especially big ones.

You want examples? OK. You get mad at work. And rather than just dealing with it and moving forward you react immediately. You quit your job. So did that really help? I’m not saying take abuse. I’m saying think before you act! If you quit a job, you’re losing safety and security that income provides. This could also affect your relationships and living situation. So one decision could affect every aspect of your life. Another example is friendship. You get mad at a friend. Who doesn’t? So out of anger, you just blow the friend off or in the case of Facebook you go so far as to “unfriend” the person or  “block” them. What if you overreacted? What if you want that person back in your life later but you have taken that action? Do you think they’re going to want you back? No, probably not. I have been unfriended before over stupid stuff and if that person came back and decided to send me a friend request my answer would be “NO!” I value friends and don’t give up on them easily. I would hope others are the same way. I don’t just give up on a friend because I didn’t like something they said or did once. If it was something that happened continually then I’d rethink the whole thing, and I have had to do that. One more example, I promise! You have a disagreement with your significant other. You don’t end things with someone you love because of a disagreement. And if you do, you might really regret what you did. Have you ever said something or done something in the heat of the moment and regretted it? If you do this with a significant other, it could be the biggest mistake of your life. You may turn someone you love into someone who hates you.

So before doing things that have significant impact, don’t forget that you can’t unring a bell! Once it has been rung, it’s done.

Emotional Baggage Check

Wouldn’t it be nice to just check your emotional baggage somewhere and never have to bother with it again? Just fill a suitcase with unpleasant memories and experiences and zip it up and roll it to some abyss and leave it! Hasta la vista, baby! Oh if life were that simple. You know it isn’t. But right now you’re thinking what a wonderful thing that would be, right? Come on! You can tell me. It’ll be our secret. Since only a few people read here it’s not that big of a deal.

Seriously though, I was having a conversation recently and we talked about how life can make us jaded and cynical. It can. If you have lived past the age of 18, you have probably experienced something or someone who has just not been pleasant. I know that I am well over 18 (as Facebook told me the other day when it called me old!) and I have quite a large emotional suitcase. I hate that stupid thing! It doesn’t rule my whole life but it does make me wary. Maybe that is good. Maybe that is bad. I try to trust people from the get-go, but honestly if someone sounds a little too good, I generally think they are. Goody two shoes? Yeah, what skeletons are you pulling along in your emotional suitcase? We all got ’em, honey! I just choose to acknowledge it.

And that is another issue right there. I may be somewhat jaded but at least I know this and am forthright with it. It’s not a big secret. And maybe that is another problem in and of itself. Maybe I should put on a poker face and pretend like the rest of the world. But that is just a little too fake and Pollyanna for me (see my post about her and you’ll know what I am talking about).

Anyway, the gist of it is that it sure would be a lot easier to not have to deal with all the junk we do throughout life. It would be nice to pack it away and send it to the emotional baggage abyss. But unfortunately we can’t. So what to do? I think the best answer is to open that stupid thing up from time to time and pull some of the crap out and say it’s not worth carrying around anymore and it’s too heavy and just toss it or burn it or whatever. Get rid of it. It’s a lot easier said than done. Believe me. I really do know. I have had my life turned upside down more times than I ever have wanted and there has been a lot of emotional crap to come from that. But I am tired of this stupid baggage being so heavy. I have to carry the load daily by myself mostly and it’s just not worth it.

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