survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Archive for the tag “dating”

Update to Dating

I thought I would move forward like a man would. I just can’t. My heart isn’t like a man’s. I’m not ready to date. For now I’ll just let my heart mend. I have been asked out by a few guys and it just didn’t feel right. It’s not fair to them and I didn’t feel comfortable. So it’s best for now not to. I guess he meant more to me than I meant to him. Seems that is the way it goes in most cases anyway.

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A Funny Thing Happened

I’m thinking about dating again. Thinking is not doing. But I went back to the scene of the crime…the dating site where I met the guy. So he is back there, too. So the dating site says that we are compatible and would we like to meet? I laughed in an uncomfortable way as I clicked the NO button. I wish it was a HELL NO button, but it isn’t.

The algorithm says we are a match. We were for a bit. It is just almost comical but it isn’t. It’s painful, too. I’m moving on and forward. But you don’t want that reminder of something so painful thrown in your face…even by a stupid dating site. I know it isn’t intentional, but it’s not the best feeling in the world.

So I’m being brave and moving forward. And I told the site that, no, I don’t want to meet him. I couldn’t tell it I already met him and it didn’t work so well. In fact it was worse than not so well. But in a way, a funny thing happened.

2015: A Personal Review

I went into 2015 with a lot pain and trying to believe it could get better. I am not the same person I was going into the year as I am now. That is a good thing!

I was at a point where I was unsure if life could get better. I prayed hard that I could find a new job and be able to make changes to feel better. Those prayers were answered! I found a job in a place where I am valued and have the chance to use my skills. I’m able to be involved and give input. I have regular hours. I have met wonderful people that I consider to be good friends. I have lost weight.

With all of this comes changes within myself. I had become a person I didn’t like. As I changed, I began to slowly become myself again. At first it was hard to recognize myself. Who was this woman who smiles and laughs? It was me! I can laugh! And I like to do it!!!! It felt good to be Amy again. I didn’t realize how much I missed myself.

I reacquainted myself with old friends. I found new friends. And I lost touch with some old friends. I hate that I lost touch with old friends. That hurt a lot. I tried to reconnect but sometimes you just have to wait on them and give them time or just accept that it is what it is. But it has been wonderful getting back in touch with old friends. And I have loved meeting new friends.

Then there was the whole dating thing. That was scary! There are some bad ones out there. But the good news is that there are some good ones, too! I was lucky enough to find a great one! He is a good man who I can’t say enough good things about.

2015 has been pretty good. There have been some bumps along the way. But you can’t appreciate the good without having some bad from time to time.

 

Thanks A Lot

For so many years I hated the holidays. I liked what Thanksgiving represented but it made me sad. It was the beginning of a season that I hated. This year I decided that I was going to make 2015 my year. Things were going to be better! Some how! Some way! It was going to be better!!!! With a lot of prayer and a lot of of getting out of my comfort zone, 2015 has been my year so far. It hasn’t been without its pitfalls and pain. But they were lessons that helped me be stronger. I got back up swinging.

So I am very thankful. I reconnected with my family, both blood and chosen. I was welcomed with open arms. I felt loved again. I got back in church. I have been dating someone who makes me smile more than I have in a long time. I have discovered what happy is. Happy scares me but I am enjoying it.

I have so much to be thankful for. Every little thing is something to give thanks for. I look back at all I have gone through and realize that while some of it was pretty terrible, I need to be more grateful in life. I have been working on that. It is hard at times, but it really makes a difference.

It’s a Process…I Flirted

So I went through the crying and despair. I went through anger. And while it still hurts, I’m allowing myself to try to move forward. I flirted today. It wasn’t much of anything but it was something. It was better than looking down at my shoes or focusing solely on the items I needed at the store. There was a joke, smile and laughter. We went our separate ways and I felt good about myself. It was a step in the right direction. I was proud of myself.

Baby steps, right? It’s a process.

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