survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Archive for the tag “changes”

2015: A Personal Review

I went into 2015 with a lot pain and trying to believe it could get better. I am not the same person I was going into the year as I am now. That is a good thing!

I was at a point where I was unsure if life could get better. I prayed hard that I could find a new job and be able to make changes to feel better. Those prayers were answered! I found a job in a place where I am valued and have the chance to use my skills. I’m able to be involved and give input. I have regular hours. I have met wonderful people that I consider to be good friends. I have lost weight.

With all of this comes changes within myself. I had become a person I didn’t like. As I changed, I began to slowly become myself again. At first it was hard to recognize myself. Who was this woman who smiles and laughs? It was me! I can laugh! And I like to do it!!!! It felt good to be Amy again. I didn’t realize how much I missed myself.

I reacquainted myself with old friends. I found new friends. And I lost touch with some old friends. I hate that I lost touch with old friends. That hurt a lot. I tried to reconnect but sometimes you just have to wait on them and give them time or just accept that it is what it is. But it has been wonderful getting back in touch with old friends. And I have loved meeting new friends.

Then there was the whole dating thing. That was scary! There are some bad ones out there. But the good news is that there are some good ones, too! I was lucky enough to find a great one! He is a good man who I can’t say enough good things about.

2015 has been pretty good. There have been some bumps along the way. But you can’t appreciate the good without having some bad from time to time.

 

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What a Difference A Year Makes

Last year at this time I was absolutely miserable. I hated just about everything in my life and was hopeless. I kept plugging along, though, with that grain of a mustard seed hope. Just enough to keep me going. I didn’t know if anything would seriously change, but I truly wanted it to. I kept praying for a miracle and finally I told God that 2015 just had to be my year. It had to because everything else had just sucked.

2015 started off with a bang. I had an interview for a wonderful job on my birthday in January and got it. I started two weeks later. I met wonderful people who I could actually call friends. I was able to start the Weight Watchers program at work immediately and start reclaiming my life. I began to feel like I mattered again. I felt like Amy. I don’t know if any of you remember the movie “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” but I felt like I was getting my groove back in life in general. Things were making sense again. Life wasn’t perfect and I didn’t have Taye Diggs but I was feeling more content being Amy. I was beginning to feel alright about who and what I was.

During this time, I kept seeing my ex all over town. I live in a small town and the odds of that are likely, but over the last four years I have never run into him. I think in a way God was protecting me from it.As it happened during this time, I was fine. Actually I was more than fine; I was annoyed. There was no racing heart or loss of breath. It was more like the urge to slap away an annoying gnat that is in your way. I did pray about it and ask why after all of this time he was popping up all over the place. It was random places and non-stop it seemed. After careful prayer and meditation, I felt the answer was that he needed to see that I was happy and well and didn’t react upon seeing him. Most times I didn’t even recognize him until after the fact. I thanked God for that answer and then prayed more and told God that since I had moved on so well, why couldn’t he give me someone who would understand me and accept me? Why couldn’t someone find my quirks and flaws adorable and not annoying? Then through the most unlikely source, Facebook, I was just chatting with this guy who is a friend of a friend and he was hilarious. I sent him a friend request. He accepted. We hit it off like gangbusters. He is from where I now live. He lives kinda where I am from. We talk daily. I have come to adore him. He drives me crazy and I want to yell at him at times. At other times I would hug him as hard as I could.

I talked to a friend of mine the other day and she was like, “Dang, Girl! You sound happy!” I smiled and said, “I am.” It felt so weird to say it. I don’t want to jinx it. But it felt so good to say that I am happy. For years I felt as if I was walking with a rain cloud over my head.

2015 hasn’t been perfect but it is so drastically different than last year. I am grateful.

Relearning Happy

Isn’t it funny how you can forget how to be happy? I did for a really long time. I was surviving, but not happy. I am now happy. I smile. I laugh. I sing. I’m happy. Sometimes to the point of being annoying. I am so grateful for my sarcasm and dry wit to balance things. Otherwise I would just make myself sick.

But yeah, I am relearning happy. It’s a strange thing. I think it is like when you get a new RX for glasses and can suddenly see. I use that analogy cause I’m also about blind as a bat. So when I get that new RX and can actually see, it is pure heaven. Clarity! It’s a nice feeling.

So I just thought I would tell y’all Amy is happy. In case you wondered. If not, I’m still happy. 🙂

I hate this time of year

This time of year brings up a lot of negative feelings for me. It makes me reflect on could’ve, would’ve and should’ve situations. Holiday crap is upon us. I am working to the point where that is mostly my life.

I think of making changes and then I am unsure of how. Which changes do I make? I’m scared of change. Every change I have ever made seems to have gone wrong. It’s not easy to make changes at my age.

I don’t know what the answer is. I wish I did.

Changes and Such

This year has been full of changes for me. Some have been of my own making and some have been made for me. I have wondered how to make life better and how to just live better in general. I was reading an article online that I felt was really interesting and was mostly beneficial to what I was wondering about. It was actually in a magazine I usually don’t read, Forbes Magazine. According to the article, you can change your life in 5 simple steps. I smile as I type that because I really don’t believe it is as simple as that. But it would be nice if it was. They do bring up some pretty good ideas. I agreed with 4 out of 5.

Beyond The Secret: Change Your Life in Five Simple Steps

Panos Mourdoukoutas, Contributor

The article says that you should:

  1. “Stop being self-absorbed, get out of your cocoon, and search for a purpose that will add meaning and excitement in your life.” This to me is so important because so often we feel so unfulfilled and we don’t look for what will add that meaning and/or excitement. I admit I have been guilty of this.
  2. “Move to a new neighborhood, a new town, where people appreciate different ways of thinking.” I don’t agree with this. I just don’t think this is possible for everyone. Not everyone can pick up and move. Sometimes you have to adapt where you are. Sometimes you have to plan and dream so that you can eventually move to a place where you will be more appreciated. But don’t drop everything suddenly just because you’re suddenly not happy. That is ridiculous!
  3. “Acquire new acquaintances and new friends, who appreciate who you are, and help you find your “element” rather than distracting you from it.” I totally agree with this! If you aren’t happy, then find new people who support what makes you happy. They will understand your dreams and ideas. For instance, I have a love of art and writing. I have made more friends who love the same things. Yes, some of them are online, but they are friends. They get it. They understand that urge to write when I have something in my head or heart that is just bothering me. I have other friends who appreciate my writing, but they don’t get the urgency of it. They don’t understand that it is something I have to do rather than something I like to do.
  4. “Develop good habits.”The article goes on to say: “Another way of putting it is this: very often we find ourselves involved in jobs and various occupations, which we derive little to no satisfaction or they don’t totally fulfill us. Yet we continue on the same line because this is what we have been taught to do and don’t have the guts to walk away from a well-paid job. There comes a time to move away from unfulfilling contexts.” Boy, do I get this! Not only have I done this, but I see this in others as well. The thing is that it isn’t so easy to walk away. If you don’t have a safety net, then you just can’t walk away and I think this article doesn’t take that into consideration at all. Normal people can’t just walk away and do whatever it is in life they want. But I totally agree with the statement of developing good habits. So if they can’t walk away from a job that is killing them, they can develop good habits and learn how to turn off the switch to that job at quitting time and quit letting it rule their life. It is a job. It is a means to an end. It is not their life.
  5. “To change your life, you need more than positive thoughts. You must find your element by changing the context you live in.” You have to make choices that are going to make things real. If you don’t, you’re going to be stuck. I understand because I have lived stuck for so long I can’t even believe it. I’m stronger than this. I don’t like being stuck. I can’t just talk the talk; I have to walk the walk.

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