For the past two years I was under the illusion that my ex just hated me altogether when he left. I have now found out differently. It doesn’t change the progress I have made in my life. It doesn’t change what we went through. It doesn’t even change the fact that I had already forgiven him for the chaos we went through.
It shattered my illusion of many things, though. I literally thought the man hated me. From what I found out, quite unintentionally, he didn’t hate me. I will admit I was quite angry and felt some form of hatred for him for a while. I hated how he treated me. i hated the way it ended. I hated other people’s involvement in our relationship. I felt he should have stood up for me more and focused more on us than allowing others to be involved. But then again, that was part of the downfall.
So when I heard this information after all of this time, I was angry and hurt. Not that I am wanting him back or anything; but that this information may have eased the pain and suffering I went through during that time. Then again, it could have given me false hope. I don’t know. I just know that it bothered me. I felt somewhat betrayed at first because of the length of time the information was withheld from me.
So the one good thing that came from all of this is that I have a sense of closure. I don’t like feeling hated and I did for over two years. I guess this is a door I can now truly shut.