survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Archive for the tag “breakups”

Update to Dating

I thought I would move forward like a man would. I just can’t. My heart isn’t like a man’s. I’m not ready to date. For now I’ll just let my heart mend. I have been asked out by a few guys and it just didn’t feel right. It’s not fair to them and I didn’t feel comfortable. So it’s best for now not to. I guess he meant more to me than I meant to him. Seems that is the way it goes in most cases anyway.

Nobody Told Me

Nobody told me that this whole grown up thing was a sham. It really is. Bills, work, relationships. Bills keep getting bigger and I keep getting less for what I pay for. I work like crazy trying to pay for those crazy bills.

And then there’s the relationships. Sometimes I wonder why bother trying. I was recently in one for a few months. He loved me he said. He wanted to marry me he said. Then he didn’t he said. I felt a little like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. The breakup wasn’t on a post it. No, it was in a text. Yes, you read that right. A text. I was upset on many levels. Hurt, yes. Angry, absolutely! If you’re going to do something like that, have the courage to do it in person. That is just being a coward. And don’t pretend things are fine two days prior to the breakup. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

So after all of that nonsense, I’m moving forward with my life. It’s funny. I’m doing things I didn’t imagine I would. I am following my dreams for a change. I’m trying life out and being as brave as I can. I’m grateful for my faith in God and  I’m grateful for my supportive friends who have been there through the ups and downs.

 

Shattered Illusions

English: Broken glass

 

For the past two years I was under the illusion that my ex just hated me altogether when he left. I have now found out differently. It doesn’t change the progress I have made in my life. It doesn’t change what we went through. It doesn’t even change the fact that I had already forgiven him for the chaos we went through.

It shattered my illusion of many things, though. I literally thought the man hated me. From what I found out, quite unintentionally, he didn’t hate me. I will admit I was quite angry and felt some form of hatred for him for a while. I hated how he treated me. i hated the way it ended. I hated other people’s involvement in our relationship. I felt he should have stood up for me more and focused more on us than allowing others to be involved. But then again, that was part of the downfall.

So when I heard this information after all of this time, I was angry and hurt. Not that I am wanting him back or anything;  but that this information may have eased the pain and suffering I went through during that time. Then again, it could have given me false hope. I don’t know. I just know that it bothered me. I felt somewhat betrayed at first because of the length of time the information was withheld from me.

So the one good thing that came from all of this is that I have a sense of closure. I don’t like feeling hated and I did for over two years. I guess this is a door I can now truly shut.

Things I Miss About Being In A Relationship

There are days when I do miss being in a relationship. Sometimes I do want someone to talk to other than the cats. I almost wrote that I want someone who actually responds, but I remembered that half the time my ex didn’t really respond so maybe that wasn’t so important. Maybe it was just having another human in the house. I dunno. He could carry on a conversation from time to time. He could also cook pretty well. I also miss him taking out the trash. That was so nice. I also miss him checking the mail. I hate dealing with junk mail. He would sort through it and give me the important stuff. I also miss laughing more. Sometimes we would laugh together. Sometimes I would laugh at him. Like when he was going to show me who was boss and go off with friends and then needed a ride home.            He sure showed me! 🙂 And I laughed.

I suppose there are other things I miss about being in a relationship. One thing is that I miss bitching and complaining together about certain aspects of life. We were both pretty good about that and were both pretty good about pointing out different positives and negatives about whatever we were talking about.

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