The Pain of Holding Back
I was always taught that if you didn’t have something nice to say then you don’t say anything at all. I am sure others were taught the same. I try to do that for the most part because there are days if I said what was really on my mind that people would be shocked and quite dismayed. I went to the doctor the other day with the horrific pain in my jaw and into my neck. I know I have TMJ and it was really acting up. She asked me about stress and I told her what was going on and she said, “You’re clenching your teeth so hard that it is putting pressure on your jaw and sending the pain down your neck. Your lymph nodes in your neck are swollen.” I was shocked to realize my lymph nodes in my neck were swollen due to that. I knew my TMJ was killing me due to the clenching. I told her that I was clenching in order to not get in trouble at work or go to jail because of the fight my words would start. She said that I need to deal with the stress better. I told her that I needed something to take for the stress or I was going to start smoking again or start drinking. She chose a prescription for me.
But I told you all about this because isn’t it amazing how we can truly wind up hurting ourselves in such a way? I mean my stress level has been so high lately that I was clenching my teeth to the point my jaw was physically killing me with pain. And then it caused my neck to hurt, too! So I have been working on telling these people off in subtle ways. I told one off recently in a not so subtle way that had her almost steaming. She barely spoke to me afterwards and all it made me do was giggle afterwards. I’m not going to just speak my mind completely all the time. Lord have mercy! These people couldn’t handle the truth! Some people I know would be blown away by my thoughts. I do wish I could say them, but unfortunately that might cause some negative ramifications for me and I don’t know if I could handle them. So I will work on ways to do it where it gets it out of my system better. I wish I had been taught more how to do the Southern Belle backhanded compliment thing where you sound like you’re giving a compliment but you just dissed the hell out of someone. I can do it a little, but not so well. I’m more of a booyah-in-your-face kind of person.