I Thought I Heard Santa Claus
Yesterday was Black Friday. My intention was not to participate in any shopping that required interacting with real people. I didn’t want to fight crowds or traffic. But then I saw the Michael’s ad. I went right after work and got some amazing deals on art supplies and I have been very inspired. I couldn’t pass it up. I came home exhausted. I got in my jammies and crawled in the bed. I fell into a deep slumber. Suddenly I heard a clatter! It’s after Thanksgiving now. It’s on the roof. Could it be? It is heavy footsteps on the roof! Santa? Is that you?! Wait! There is another noise! What is it? Really? A leaf blower?! Are you kidding me?!
Alright, Leaf Blower Man! Enough is enough! You sent another one to get on my roof? How crazy are you? It is time for Santa and presents and you put another Leaf Blower Man on my roof with a roaring noise to drive me insane? Ummmm…no!
I was furious! I grabbed my glasses and looked to make sure most body parts were covered and stomped outside. I was mad. Actually, I was more than mad. I yelled, “Excuse me! Hello?!” He looked down at me like I was an idiot. I just glared at him. I wasn’t the fool standing on a roof with a leaf blower. He said, “Yeah?” I said, “I live here and you’re on my roof! I work 3rd shift and I am trying to sleep. It’s kinda hard when someone is stomping on the roof using a leaf blower. How long is this going to take?” He said, “It shouldn’t be much longer.” I was not satisfied. I asked, “Are you sure you don’t have some presents or something up there?” He said, “No, I don’t.” I wasn’t real happy. I stormed back inside. After he was through with all of his nonsense, I looked outside and saw that he had left a lovely mess on my back patio. Gee, thanks, Mr. Not-Santa! (Jackass!)
I went inside and after a few minutes I laughed. If this was a sitcom, I would be laughing. It’s not. It’s my life. I’m tired. But it makes for a funny story. I just wish he’d brought me presents. Oh well! At least I bought myself some earlier. Right?