the ups and downs of life

Truly Thankful

Thanksgiving 2010

I should be asleep. I am tired. It’s Thanksgiving and I have to work tonight. Last night was busy. I’m afraid tonight will be, too.

Holidays bring up emotions, memories, and cause sleep to be hard. I just took more sleep meds. I am hoping they kick in soon. I have been mostly in a great mood. This morning, though, memories flooded me of years gone by. This brought up so many mixed emotions. Happy times. Sad times. People and places I just can’t forget. Some I wish I could and some I hope I never do.

I did really well for a while. I fought emotions off that were negative and went with the positive ones. I wrote my Happy Thanksgiving post on Facebook. I received some wonderful replies. Then I got the most wonderful post from my Mama’s best friend that touched my heart so much that I just lost it. I cried like a baby. I think the dam broke from all the emotions of earlier in the day and I cried the deep heaving sobs that wrack your whole body and the hot tears pour as if there is no stopping them. There is a primal sound that is indescribable and comes from your core. Thankfully, this dam was quickly repaired and control was again underway, but it was such a powerful few minutes. It made my sweet Soleil run to see if I was ok. She kept making these noises with me as I poured my heart out and just let me stroke her. My Mama’s best friend told me that she was grateful that she could still see my face and still knew me after all these years and that she was glad for the reason she knew me (my Mama) and that she loved me. It was such a wonderful thing to see. It was so wonderful to know that someone was thankful for me.

I often think of how insignificant I am. Yes, I guess I have esteem issues. There are days when I know I am a rock star at certain things, but then there are times when in the grand scheme of things when I think no one really cares about me. Knowing that someone loves me and is grateful that they met me through my mother is amazing. It just made my heart swell.

I also had my heart lifted when my friends were worried about me not having something good to eat for Thanksgiving. One friend even was going to bring me food at work because she was so worried. I told her not to worry and just enjoy her time with family and friends because there is food at work waiting on me. A friend at work went ahead and made a plate up for me to make sure I didn’t get cheated. That has happened in the past and so she wanted to make sure I was taken care of. I am very appreciative.

I really got to celebrate Thanksgiving today. I know I did a post for today already, but the thing is that today I got to really feel it. While there was some moments that I didn’t want to feel, I was rewarded by some loving people who really care about me. And that is what I am so thankful for. These people touch my heart and my life and just make me so grateful to know them. They make life so much easier when life is so hard.

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