survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Changing of Seasons

I hate the colder weather. The changing of the seasons not only turns the weather cold, but it turns my mood as well. Some days it is melancholy and sometimes it is so much more than that. I don’t believe it is just Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), although, that does play a large role; no, this, has to do with the holidays, family, and so much more.

The gray skies and the leafless trees are an outward expression of how I feel sometimes during this time of year. Sad and missing something. This time of year really brings a lot of painful memories up for me. I miss so many people who I just cannot even describe. The impending (yes, as in doom) holidays don’t do anything to help with that because then I miss them so much more. Some are still living, but most are dead. Some people try to come up with ideas on how to fix this feeling, but there is no quick fix. It is something I go through each year and just have to endure. It is a lengthy time period, unfortunately. After the first of the year, I am hoping it will go away.

The one thing this time of year does for me is draws me closer to God. I realized a long time ago that He is the one reliable thing in my life no matter what. I pray more. I cry. I whine. Thankfully in the last few years I have learned how to listen and I don’t just talk at God and so there is much more peace from the prayers. So while there is still a lot of heartache, I have someone who listens and cares and has always loved me. That has not always been the case with humans. So during this time of year that often makes my heart just ache, I find comfort and love in God and my sweet cats. Unconditional love at its best.

 

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2 thoughts on “Changing of Seasons

  1. I also find myself feeling kind of sad this time of year. I think about how things used to be when my mom was still alive and know that things will never be like that again. I try to convince myself that just because things change, doesn’t have to mean it’s not good, just different…maybe someday I’ll fully believe that. But hey, we’ve got our kitties and our writing and our friends…more than some folks have!

  2. So true! I re-read this when I saw I had likes and cried. I am thankful someone reads it. I usually share my writing with my friends and family on Facebook but I just didn’t feel like it this time…I kept it here. If they want to read it, they can find it. Thank you to all who read it. I know things could be so much worse and I am grateful it isn’t. Please don’t get me wrong. We each have our own burdens. It’s just this time of year hurts so much. Not only is mine due to SAD, but there are a lot of emotional events tied to this time of year for me…I lost one of my best friends this time of year about three years ago, it is close to a symbolic anniversary for me, then the holidays, and my stupid birthday is in January…just a lot to take in. Patti, your mom would be proud of you, girl! You are such a wonderful and sweet person! Always so kind to me! ❤ to you, girly!

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