survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Archive for the month “October, 2012”

This Has Been In My Head

This has been in my head….

 

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Why Do I Blog?

Blogging Heroes

So someone asked me recently why I blog. It’s a good question. It did make me think a lot about the concept. There are many reasons. First, I have a head full of thoughts. Blogging is a way to just take the junk floating in my head and get it out. Sometimes it is random chaos and other times it is somewhat ordered chaos. Either way I still consider it chaos. And it is mine and I love it. And I hate it at times as well. This is me. I have a love/hate relationship with my thoughts.

Second, I feel that blogging helps develop my writing. I did not study writing in college but I do feel like I am not a shabby writer. I feel like I definitely have a lot to learn. As you write you learn how to turn a phrase or sometimes come up with a better cliché. Writing in a blog provides practice for something I love. And I don’t know why tapping out letters makes me happy, but it does. Maybe I like to be humorous at times and it is very difficult to do in written form? And it is so gratifying when you actually pull it off! Even if you don’t actually LOL but you do slightly lift the corner of your mouth. That is gratification.

Third, I like to just tell the crazy antics of my life. Sometimes the stupidest and craziest things happen and I am wondering if the rest of the world has ever had these stupid things happen. Or I just have something on my mind and just need it off my mind. Blogging is much cheaper than therapy, as I have stated before. I like to let people know about this craziness and sometimes also let them see the softer side of me, too. I have a lot of walls built up. Blogging allows me to let the walls down from time to time when I feel safe.

So why do I blog? Many reasons that create some order for me. Anyone else? Why do you blog? I may have questions for you! I love to learn!!!!

I Have A Heart

I went to the cardiologist’s office today to get my event monitor. Big, scary place. I was amazed at their efficiency. I was in and out of that place in 30 minutes. I have been having these flutters that just don’t feel right and my doctor was concerned. So I have to wear this thing and when I feel them I have to press a button for this device to take a reading. I suppose it is like a mini-EKG. Then I have to call LifeWatch and transmit the data to them.

It was scary when I first started having these feelings. I mean, Mama died at 49. I am almost 42. Then today at the office they’re asking who is your ER contact. That almost made me cry but I stayed strong. Why did it upset me? I don’t have anyone “close” like a significant other and it was a nice little reminder of that. I usually don’t care too much. I am busy with a lot of great things. But when they are asking about pretty serious issues that relate to your mortality? You care. Yeah. It is natural. It is that painful reminder that you normally don’t have at the forefront of your consciousness.

But for the people who wondered, yes, Amy has a heart. And know what else? It flutters.

Burning Bridges

About a Burning Fire

I am one who hates to truly set fire to a bridge. Then there are times when I feel that some people have poured the kerosene and handed me the matches and actually asked me to strike one til it is lit. Have you ever felt this way? It’s not a pleasant feeling. I have felt it in many situations such as with work, family and friends. It is one of those no-win situations where if you confront the person you are going to have an argument  that is going to leave you feeling terrible and if you don’t confront them you feel terrible, too.

I bring this up because I have been facing this issue and so has a friend. We were discussing it recently and we were just perplexed at what to do. We went back and forth on how to handle it. We had previously tried confronting the people that were affecting us so negatively and it was like talking to a wall. There was no accountability for the way the situation was going on the other person’s part and then accusations were actually thrown at us that we were causing the problem.

In my situation I was told I need to get over the fact that the person who was doing some work for me did a half-assed job. They tried so I shouldn’t complain. What?! They got paid for a job and then I had to re-do it. I’m not saying write them off entirely as a human. I’m saying tell them to do it right in order to get paid. (It is a free-lance, paid by the gig job and not by the hour job.) I am sorry but I don’t expect half-assed work for full-assed pay. They may have a lot going on in their life, but so do I. Turn off the drama and do the work. When I brought up the problems in the past, I was told I was being too picky. Too picky to expect a job to be done right? I don’t think so.

In my friend’s situation, it is a trickier situation where she has someone who is constantly has someone harrassing her about eveyrthing she does. But if they do something wrong she can’t bring it up. It’s not like she is trying to throw them under the bus. She is just trying to point out a legitimate error and fix it. But everyone else tries to say that she is trying to get back at someone. They can dish criticism without being able to take it. It’s not fair.

We are both rather aggravated and ready to just say screw it! But you can’t light that match. They may have poured the kerosene but I can’t light it. But it is so frustrating!!!! What to do? Maybe I’ll sit here and let the fumes lull me into a stupor.

Living Too Large

I saw this video on YouTube and was so proud of the way this woman maintained her poise and demeanor. She was condemned for her looks. She is obviously a good reporter. But one man didn’t find her attractive according to his rules and possibly the rest of society’s.

I think this woman is smart, beautiful, graceful and articulate. I don’t think you have to be a size two in order to be beautiful, although I don’t think that a size two is ugly. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

Just because someone has an opinion about someone’s weight does not give them the right to be so judgmental or cruel. I do wonder if the man who wrote that email to her was brave enough to sign his full and real name to that email. If he didn’t, I think he is a coward. If you have the…

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