survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Aubrey-fiction

Aubrey sat there and felt dead inside. That was the only way to describe it. Empty and dead. It was appropriate. All she could think about was the people she’d lost and buried years ago. She felt as dead as they were. It had only been ten years since she buried them. Amazing how time didn’t cure all wounds. It was a lie. How many times had people patted her hand or back and quietly said that time heals all wounds? She wished she could go back in time and tell them to quit lying.

It was Saturday night. Most people her age were either out celebrating life or enjoying their families. She was home alone. Well, she wasn’t completely alone. Her two cats were there with her. Luna and Bella kept her company when no one else would. They were her confidantes, her therapists, her friends.

At first she couldn’t figure out why today was so sentimental. Finally it dawned on her. Another anniversary. It seemed like every day was an anniversary of something. Every day was a reminder of lost loved ones. Typically she could numb herself in some way. Medications worked sometimes. Alcohol worked. Sometimes throwing herself into projects numbed her brain and body. Today was a day where a cocktail was needed. A little Xanax taken with a shot of tequila. She would feel better soon. And if not, hopefully she would just fall asleep.

The TV was on. She tried watching but there was nothing on that caught her mind, attention or heart. She just kept replaying conversations, moments, and just things that hurt. She wanted to turn the movies in her head off and focus on the TV. If only it was that easy. Her therapist had worked with her on techniques. Nothing was working. She wanted to scream. It would scare the cats. Instead she nestled deeper into the covers of the bed and pulled them around her. She left the TV on and lay there crying. She tried to not make too much noise. She didn’t want to scare the cats.

 (This is part of the creative writing/fiction that I am working on.)

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