survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Elizabeth 9/11/11

Elizabeth was home alone on Saturday. She had cleaned the house until it sparkled like a commercial on tv. She looked at the clock and shook her head. It was only 3 in the afternoon. She was tired and felt dirty. It was still early enough to take a nap but she needed a shower first. She didn’t want to dirty the fresh sheets she had put on the bed.

After a quick shower she climbed into bed. She hadn’t slept too well the night before and all the cleaning had wiped her out. She wished her brain would shut down like her body wanted to. She was exhausted. She nestled deeper into the bed and finally sleep overcame her.

Hours later and Elizabeth felt much better physically. Her body was no longer dragging but it was now 6 in the evening and she was wide awake and alone. This was not a good thing. It actually made her sad. She didn’t know what to do. All her friends were busy with their own lives. She didn’t have a significant other to call or so something with. She was sad. She cooked an easy meal and moped. She sat in front of the tv watching a movie that didn’t interest her and she wanted to cry.

She felt frustrated. As a therapist she gave advice daily to people who dealt with the same situations. She tried to recall what she told them. She was angry with herself. She had felt lonely at points in her life, but today was different. She hadn’t understood how painful it really was until now. It was as if she was suddenly wiser but yet that wisdom was useless. She understood her clients’ pain yet her advice now seemed meaningless. Maybe now she would be able to come up with something that could actually help. Maybe that was the point of this. She wasn’t sure. The only thing Elizabeth was sure of tonight was that she was bored, lonely, frustrated, angry, and hurt. She didn’t want to play therapist tonight. She would save that for tomorrow. Tonight she was going to allow herself to feel whatever emotion crept in and hope that she could come up with solutions tomorrow.

Elizabeth finally fell asleep late. Sunday morning the phone woke her. It was Crystal. She wanted to know if Elizabeth was going to church with them. The depression that had come over her throughout the weekend  made her want to say no but Elizabeth knew that was the last thing she needed to do. She told Crystal she would be there for church but not Sunday School. She had never been a fan of Sunday School. This appeased Crystal and she was able to get off the phone and begin readying for church. She decided to take a change of clothes with her so she could get comfortable and play with Crystal’s kids. Maybe that would be enough to lift her spirits.

She arrived at the church a few minutes before the service was to begin. She saw Crystal looking for her and hurried towards her. “Where were you?” whispered Crystal. “I had to find a parking place,” Elizabeth whispered back. She had expected to be there sooner and didn’t realize parking was going to be such an issue. She sat down and waited for the pastor. He came out and spoke a few words before the choir sang their songs. Elizabeth was surprised at the music. She felt like she hadn’t been to church in forever because the music had changed quite a bit. She looked over at Crystal with a quizzical look and just received a smile and a slight hug in response.

After church Crystal turned to her and asked, “You coming for lunch?”

“Of course! Pass up real food and fun? No way!”

 

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