survivingmiddleage

the ups and downs of life

Life in a Box

Sometimes I feel like I live life in a box. If I don’t do what people want or say what people want me to say then they put a lid on that box. If I do say or do what they want, they might lift the lid and let me have some air. Otherwise I am stuck in there with some old stale air that has grown stagnant. It gets really frustrating and almost toxic because I’m having to hold in thoughts and feelings in order to please others. But that isn’t being true to myself. How is that true to me? Is it fair?

I’m 40 years old. I have gone through a lot and it has really given me some opinions on life. I have been dealt some great blows again recently and I am having to regroup and take stock of life yet again. Guess what! I have thoughts and opinions and ideas and all sorts of other things. And they fill my head. And I don’t have a spouse or companion to talk to about them anymore. So I have this box to type in. And if I type words that others don’t like then they will put a lid on the box. I don’t put a lid on other people’s boxes. I actually don’t ask others to live in a box. I want people to say what’s in their hearts and minds. Now I will try to be respectful and I did remove a post that some didn’t like. I didn’t want to because it was just using a phrase that is commonplace in Southern language and is something I have had to deal with a lot lately. If more people said what they thought and quit trying to be “appropriate” all the time then they might feel better. That’s my goal. To quit feeling so stifled and stagnant and restricted. I want to feel like I can breathe and be me for the first time in life. I just want to be Amy.

Another thought on the matter–what if I told them how I didn’t like their political views or something else?  Would they be upset or offended? Would they feel like they have been put in a box? Would they feel like they’re suffocating? I don’t think they would like it.

We are never going to like what another person says or does 100% of the time. I certainly don’t like what others do and I know they don’t like what I do. I would ask that others please not try to put me in a box because I am not trying to put you in one. OK?

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