Living Life Ain’t Easy

I had said before that this wasn’t the most wonderful time of the year. Well, it’s still not. People are still either yelling at me or expecting me to just feel so sorry for them that I will drop everything for them. It’s hard to deal with. I try to keep my real life quiet and limited to a few real friends. I mean, I could tell you a pity story from the beginning of my life that would have you sitting there in tears. I’m not going to, though. Why? Because I choose not to dwell on it. I choose to do my best to just move forward and do the best I can. Is it easy? NO! Life is hard. Life is painful. Life is not fair. Life hurts. Every day is a challenge. What do I do about that? Look for the best, try to laugh, cry, pray.

Here’s a few lessons I have learned. Don’t like the way people are treating you? Either get them out of your life or treat them differently. Something will change. Many times we teach them how to treat us. If we can’t get them out of our lives, then the way we react or act around them will change it up. You can’t change their behavior, but you can change yours. Don’t do things drastically. Start making small changes and watch how it works. But if you don’t make those changes, you are responsible for how you are being treated because you are asking to be treated that way. You may say you can’t help how they act and that is absolutely right, but you do have some power. Use it wisely.

Quit dwelling on things. Life sucks for everyone. If you think it doesn’t, look around. Most people could give you a sad story. If you don’t think so, ask someone else. Quit looking for that piece of negativity and try to find something positive! For example, I am single and alone. I spent the holidays alone and I worked. For most people that is really sad and pretty pathetic. I turned it around and worked an extra shift at work and allowed a coworker more time with her family. This gives me more money and her time off. It also put me in the good graces of my boss. I could have sat home alone and cried and whined. I chose not to.

This past week I have been yelled at because I haven’t catered to other people who thought their life was more important than mine. I have been told off. I have had to deal with all kinds of drama and BS that is completely out of my control. I have controlled what I could and walked away from the other. I can’t deal with it. If I tried, It would drive me insane. (It may already have and I just don’t know it!)  My bottom line is try to move forward because if you don’t you are getting yourself stuck. If you need help learning how to do some of the above, go to therapy, take a DBT class and learn this stuff, learn from your mistakes, and move on. If you want to vent and bitch that is one thing, but when you want someone else to fix it, that is another.

Life is a choice. We all have our times for pity parties. I’m not going to lie. I have had huge ones. But there comes a point where you have to stop. I make my choices daily to try to have the best day possible. If you want to have a bad day, that is your choice, but I’m going to fight hard to not have one. I’ve had too many bad days in life. Way too  many.

My other suggestion is to really pray and if you don’t know what to say, try this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Related articles

• 16 Simple Rules for Living a Successful Life (lifehack.org)
• How to be Happy (zoewillsdon-positivethinking.com)

Aubrey-fiction

Aubrey sat there and felt dead inside. That was the only way to describe it. Empty and dead. It was appropriate. All she could think about was the people she’d lost and buried years ago. She felt as dead as they were. It had only been ten years since she buried them. Amazing how time didn’t cure all wounds. It was a lie. How many times had people patted her hand or back and quietly said that time heals all wounds? She wished she could go back in time and tell them to quit lying.

It was Saturday night. Most people her age were either out celebrating life or enjoying their families. She was home alone. Well, she wasn’t completely alone. Her two cats were there with her. Luna and Bella kept her company when no one else would. They were her confidantes, her therapists, her friends.

At first she couldn’t figure out why today was so sentimental. Finally it dawned on her. Another anniversary. It seemed like every day was an anniversary of something. Every day was a reminder of lost loved ones. Typically she could numb herself in some way. Medications worked sometimes. Alcohol worked. Sometimes throwing herself into projects numbed her brain and body. Today was a day where a cocktail was needed. A little Xanax taken with a shot of tequila. She would feel better soon. And if not, hopefully she would just fall asleep.

The TV was on. She tried watching but there was nothing on that caught her mind, attention or heart. She just kept replaying conversations, moments, and just things that hurt. She wanted to turn the movies in her head off and focus on the TV. If only it was that easy. Her therapist had worked with her on techniques. Nothing was working. She wanted to scream. It would scare the cats. Instead she nestled deeper into the covers of the bed and pulled them around her. She left the TV on and lay there crying. She tried to not make too much noise. She didn’t want to scare the cats.

 (This is part of the creative writing/fiction that I am working on.)

RHONJ Breakdown

So I have been watching them from the beginning. A part of me is glad to see that “rich” people have screwy lives, too. I know that sounds kind of bad, but hey I’m tired of being poor and screwed up. Out of all the Housewives shows, this is my favorite one. It is more family-oriented and I do like that. But the extended families and friendships are quite a mess! So last night’s episode really got me thinking about them and their craziness. So here’s my thoughts.

Caroline is the matriarch of the show. She’s the strong-willed, opinionated, fierce, and loving woman. She loves her family and is like a pit bull when it comes to them. If you think you’re going to hurt them, you better watch out! She’s got a strong a strong bark and bite! She has been married for many years to the same man and appears to be very in love. They have three kids, Albie, Christopher and Lauren. I do think Caroline is way too easy on the boys and is more critical with Lauren. So far this season they’ve been focusing on weight loss for Lauren. Yeah, she needs to lose some weight but she needs to focus more on her self-esteem it seems. Christopher could lose a few pounds, too, I think. (And I’m one to cast stones…we won’t discuss how many pounds I need to lose!)

Jacqueline is Caroline’s sister-in-law. She is married to Chris. (Not Caroline’s son, Christopher.) She has a daughter, Ashley from a previous marriage, as well as two sons with Chris. Ashley was not disciplined well it seems throughout her life and is now a spoiled brat. I think Jacqueline and her ex-husband tried to make up for splitting up by just letting Ashley have free reign. Chris, the step-father, tried to give her the benefit of the doubt way too many times and possibly buy her affection. From the way Jacqueline interacts with people it seems that she is used to trying to take care of people and having them not care. She isn’t used to people just being nice and genuine. I feel sorry for her for that because I relate. I have experienced the same thing. It’s hard because she tries so hard. I like her because she is nice and she really does try to help others.

Teresa is a friend of Jacqueline’s and has been a friend of Caroline’s. Teresa is married to Juicy Joe (as she calls him). They have four daughters. Teresa is loud, brash and proud to be Italian. She coined the phrase “fabulicious” and she loves just about anything that sparkles. Teresa makes me shake my head a lot. She has had financial problems and just seems to be quite oblivious to the way most people really live. I just don’t get it. She is always wearing over-the-top clothing. She seems to constantly be in some sort of conflict. And what gets me is she is too busy explaining herself or yelling about what someone else did that she doesn’t really listen to what the other person has to say.

Melissa is Teresa’s sister-in-law. She married Joe Gorga, who is as over-the-top as his sister. Melissa and Joe have three kids who are basically their mini-me’s. Melissa and Teresa are like oil and water; they do not mix!  Melissa is skinny, loud, pretty, feisty, and not afraid to give as good as she gets. Melissa does have a lot and she seems to want a lot. According to the show, Joe works hard. Now we don’t seem to see this very often, but they say he works.

Kathy is the cousin of Melissa and Teresa. She is the peacemaker. She hates all the fighting and just wants some peace. She has a crazy husband and two funny kids. I honestly think Kathy is the most normal out of all of these women. She knows what is important in life.  Kathy and Richie don’t seem to have as much money as everyone else but they don’t really seem to care. They have a great family. She values her family and friends and tries to do the right things. I love Kathy!

So I watch the show from last night and was disappointed I didn’t get much time with Kathy and Melissa. I missed them. But I did have some time watching Juicy Joe doing work on their property. Now I realize that even though you have money problems you still have to keep living, but to build such elaborate buildings with chandeliers? I’m sorry; you don’t do that when going through bankruptcy.

As Jacqueline and Teresa were talking I could see Jacqueline’s frustration building. Teresa wouldn’t let her talk really. One thing that got me is that Teresa says that of course her life was open to Jacqueline but then she says it is none of her business. Make up your mind! Teresa also says how she wants to let things be bygones and yet she is trying to dig up things from two years ago with Danielle who she swore she hated. C’mon, Tre! You caused that chaos when you did that! Now I do see how when Caroline came out that Teresa would feel ambushed. But if Jacqueline didn’t know she was coming over and she just showed up then there was nothing she could do. And as far as Teresa calling Jacqueline crazy, that really made me angry. I have seen so many crazy antics from Teresa that it was definitely the pot calling the kettle black. I think Teresa needs the therapy (btw, it isn’t physical therapy as she stated on a previous episode) that her brother brought up. She doesn’t see reality as everyone else does. I know reality is unpleasant but it is still reality.

Related articles

• Sydney Levin: ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ Recap: When Friends Divorce (huffingtonpost.com)
• Caroline Manzo and Dina Manzo Are Speaking Again Despite ‘RHONJ’ Drama (celebs.gather.com)

Blogging is Cheaper Than Therapy

Some people wonder why I like to blog. I have a lot that I think about. I have always been inquisitive by nature. I want to know how and why and who and what. It’s just me. I want to know it about others and myself. And sometimes sitting here just letting my fingers tap away I can process things and come up with ideas that I wouldn’t have ordinarily thought of without letting my mind wander and stretch.

Some of my insight is really about myself. I feel that learning about yourself is always beneficial because it allows you to see something that you can change. And typically that is what you go to therapy for. You have to talk about how you feel and what you are thinking about. I can do that here for free. Well, almost free. I do have to pay the bill for internet but you get the gist. I can “talk” things out and sometimes get feedback. How cool is that? Free therapy! And if I don’t like other people’s opinions, I hit the delete button. I know…that’s rude. Sorry, I can be rude sometimes.

So the bottom line is that blogging can be quite cathartic. It’s an artistic and emotional release! And blogging is cheaper than therapy!