Living Life Ain’t Easy

I had said before that this wasn’t the most wonderful time of the year. Well, it’s still not. People are still either yelling at me or expecting me to just feel so sorry for them that I will drop everything for them. It’s hard to deal with. I try to keep my real life quiet and limited to a few real friends. I mean, I could tell you a pity story from the beginning of my life that would have you sitting there in tears. I’m not going to, though. Why? Because I choose not to dwell on it. I choose to do my best to just move forward and do the best I can. Is it easy? NO! Life is hard. Life is painful. Life is not fair. Life hurts. Every day is a challenge. What do I do about that? Look for the best, try to laugh, cry, pray.

Here’s a few lessons I have learned. Don’t like the way people are treating you? Either get them out of your life or treat them differently. Something will change. Many times we teach them how to treat us. If we can’t get them out of our lives, then the way we react or act around them will change it up. You can’t change their behavior, but you can change yours. Don’t do things drastically. Start making small changes and watch how it works. But if you don’t make those changes, you are responsible for how you are being treated because you are asking to be treated that way. You may say you can’t help how they act and that is absolutely right, but you do have some power. Use it wisely.

Quit dwelling on things. Life sucks for everyone. If you think it doesn’t, look around. Most people could give you a sad story. If you don’t think so, ask someone else. Quit looking for that piece of negativity and try to find something positive! For example, I am single and alone. I spent the holidays alone and I worked. For most people that is really sad and pretty pathetic. I turned it around and worked an extra shift at work and allowed a coworker more time with her family. This gives me more money and her time off. It also put me in the good graces of my boss. I could have sat home alone and cried and whined. I chose not to.

This past week I have been yelled at because I haven’t catered to other people who thought their life was more important than mine. I have been told off. I have had to deal with all kinds of drama and BS that is completely out of my control. I have controlled what I could and walked away from the other. I can’t deal with it. If I tried, It would drive me insane. (It may already have and I just don’t know it!)  My bottom line is try to move forward because if you don’t you are getting yourself stuck. If you need help learning how to do some of the above, go to therapy, take a DBT class and learn this stuff, learn from your mistakes, and move on. If you want to vent and bitch that is one thing, but when you want someone else to fix it, that is another.

Life is a choice. We all have our times for pity parties. I’m not going to lie. I have had huge ones. But there comes a point where you have to stop. I make my choices daily to try to have the best day possible. If you want to have a bad day, that is your choice, but I’m going to fight hard to not have one. I’ve had too many bad days in life. Way too  many.

My other suggestion is to really pray and if you don’t know what to say, try this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Related articles

• 16 Simple Rules for Living a Successful Life (lifehack.org)
• How to be Happy (zoewillsdon-positivethinking.com)

What do you say?

What do you say about what happened in Connecticut? It is something so horrific that I don’t know that there are words. My heart aches for those people who are affected by what happened. I cannot even imagine what they must be suffering. I can’t imagine what the survivors are feeling. I can’t imagine any of it. All I know is that there is a heaviness in my heart that is filled with prayers and support for these people who have gone through so much. I am so sorry for their pain and loss. I don’t want to write much about it because writing about someone else’s pain is hard. I just want to show love and respect for these people.

Sandy Hook residents, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Related articles

• My heart is in Connecticut (stolencolon.com)
• Heartbroken (thegreenparent.com)
• I Whisper A Prayer… (seyisandradavid.org)
• Sending my love to Connecticut (thegrassskirtblog.com)

How Easy It Is To Judge

It’s so easy to judge other people’s actions or reactions to situations. Whether it is the person you work with, your relatives, or political leaders, we judge. And we do it all the time and usually quite vocally. I’m not ashamed to say I do it. I probably shouldn’t do it but I do. I am human. That’s what we do oh so well. Judge. Criticize.

When we do judge other people, though, we need to realize that other people are doing the same thing to us. How do you like that? Not so comfortable is it? People in glass houses shouldn’t throw rocks or run around naked. You can break your house or be totally exposed.

Why am I writing this? I have read opinions about what the President should have said or done about the situation in Libya. I have to say my heart is breaking. It reminds me of September 11, 2001. I remember when people raised hell about when President Bush was told in that classroom of kindergarteners about the attack and how he sat there. I remember thinking that even though I didn’t agree with a lot of his politics that he handled that moment so gracefully. He had gotten the word that something so horrific had happened and yet he maintained his composure to keep those kids calm. That was presidential to me. He didn’t fly off the handle in that moment and just act on a whim.

I believe when we act on whims that we are asking for trouble. Clear thinking is always the best course of action. Shooting off your mouth in anger is not. You may be madder than hell and hurt, but in a situation where you have other people’s’ lives at risk you don’t just spout off whatever words you feel at the moment. You have to be diplomatic and behave in such a way. It may not be a popular stance, but it is what has to be done at the moment. You have to think before you act. Otherwise you risk the lives of many more.

I wish other people would think about that and quit just having a knee-jerk response. It’s easy to play Monday-morning quarterback after the Sunday football games. It’s a lot harder to be the quarterback during the Sunday games. I know I joke about being president, but honestly I wouldn’t want to be when it comes to this type of situation or have the decisions he is facing now. He is in a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t situation.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the families who lost family members. I have lost loved ones and can’t imagine losing anyone in that way. Devastation can’t even cover it. I am praying for the President and his advisors. I know this is not an easy time and that the upcoming decisions are not easy. I just pray they make the best ones for our country. I pray for the citizens of my country and for Libya.

My Favorite Day

 

I am going to try to have a more positive outlook on today. So what day is it today? My favorite day. It doesn’t matter what day it is. Yes, I am lying in a way. Some days are better than others. But this just simply means that we should find something good in each day. Allowing negativity to consume me at times defeats who I really am. I am not that person. Circumstances have sometimes caused me to feel quite negative. Then again, that is what death, loss and physical pain does to someone. But I have to work hard to overcome this.

Can I do it? So how do I do it? Yes, I can do it. Daily? No, probably not. It’s a struggle. It’s against my nature. How do I do it? I look for positive things. I pray. I pray A LOT! In the last couple of years I have gotten to the point where my prayers are no longer just a monologue. They’re conversations. A conversation is back and forth communication. I don’t feel like I am talking to the air anymore. I finally quit thinking it was me talking to myself. I feel real guidance. And it has been absolutely real. It helped me out of situations that were scary and even dangerous.

So on those days when it’s not my favorite, I remind myself of the good things. I keep positive things in my mind. I try to remember good things in my life rather than bad. All things happen for a reason.

So last night was a crazy night at work. But what day is today? My favorite day.

 

I had a revelation

It wasn’t a wonderful “eureka!” revelation either. It was more like an “Awwww CRAP!” moment. You shake your head and wonder how you could do something so stupid. You KNOW  better. Just because you think or feel something in a moment in time doesn’t mean you (I) should act on it. I KNOW  this and yet I did it thoughtlessly. No, let me amend that. I did think. Of myself, which is something I shouldn’t have done. I should have stopped with that thinking or broadened it further, which is something I really do usually try to do. Emotions clouded my judgment. I acted childishly. In return I may have lost a relationship that I had hoped to rekindle at some point. No, it wasn’t romantic! It was with someone who’s known me all my life. This person is the person I drank wine coolers with the first time, taught me how to drive a stick, laughed at me when I stalled the stick, saved my life when my foot slipped through a hole in a wooden bridge between mountain tops when I was four, taught me how to ride a bicycle without training wheels, and more. I’m crying as I type this because I took my hurts and hurt her. And I’m ashamed. These aren’t just words. At least I hope people don’t think so. Honestly I don’t have to say anything but it bothered me that I did that. I’ve tried to do better and look at the whopping mess I’ve made. And it was all so easy.

That’s another lesson I learned. (Yes, there were multiple lessons.) I learned that stupid stuff comes easy and naturally. Smart stuff is hard and takes a lot of effort. Sometimes it even defies instincts.

I also learned I have not outgrown my nausea/vomiting issue. TMI. Sorry. Anxiety, pain, severe discomfort all cause this coping mechanism to kick in hardcore. Wave after wave of nausea made my body ill. Now part of this could really be that I could be coming down with something, but honestly this is how my body typically deals with stress.

The final lesson…when you’ve done what you can, pray. I should have done it in the beginning but I think we all get the gist that I didn’t and that obviously sucked. So I spilled my heart to God. He’s the only one who really gets ME. He fusses but rather than send fire and brimstone crashing onto my head when I’m dumb, He speaks gently. It reminds me of my mother when I came home with a hangover at 18. She looked at me, shook her head, sent me to bed, and brought me iced water and ibuprofen. I was confused and asked wasn’t she going to punish me and she told me that from the way I looked I had punished myself better than she ever could. So I prayed yesterday more fervently than normal. I confessed. I waited and listened. My answer wasn’t what I wanted but it was right. I had done wrong. The good thing was at least I recognized it quickly and was repentant. But while God forgave me, he wasn’t the injured party. Just because you truly regret something doesn’t mean the slate is clean. God may do so on his side but I didn’t hurt him outright.

So now I have an upset stomach, haven’t slept in almost 36 hours, am still unforgiven as far as I know, and am much closer to God. I’m trying to find a bright side in this disaster. Please learn from my stupidity. T-H-I-N-K! I didn’t. I let something trigger something in me and snowball it into all these other things that were not even relevant to that moment. Rather than letting my mouth, brain, and fingers work together in harmony, they went all haywire and caused a drama that I might not recover from. Great, huh? All over something stupid! And all because I got my little feelings hurt over a perception. Grandma always said I was too sensitive. In some cases she was right. Sensitivity is okay when it is used properly. This wasn’t.