As Valentines Day approaches, I cringe. I hate that day. Not only do I hate it because I am facing it single again. I hate it because even when I wasn’t single, it wasn’t always pleasant. My ex-husband ruined the holiday for me. Some of my family and friends thought he was so perfect and wonderful because I never told them all the terrible things he did. At the time I was trying to be respectful and keep my dirty laundry my own. I no longer care. It’s old news, but it really screwed the holiday up for me. I have always said that words are extremely painful. Actions and words combined…whew! They pack a punch!
I was married and oblivious that he was seriously contemplating divorce or that he was so bitter towards me. I suppose I was living in my own fog. I had just come through an extreme depression after losing my entire immediate family and was grateful to have survived that. Valentines Day rolled around and he was usually thoughtful. I waited all day. Nothing. I made a nice dinner. I gave him a card and a present and he said thank you and didn’t do anything for me. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I confronted him. He was watching tv and I went in and said, “What is with you? It is Valentines Day and you didn’t even acknowledge me!” He mumbled that he forgot. At first I walked out of the room like a puppy that had been kicked. It hurt. When you’re married and you love that person, aren’t you supposed to show them you care a little? Then it dawned on me, he didn’t forget. He just didn’t care!
Mad as hell, I stormed back in and turned the tv off and said, “You didn’t forget! Hell, you’ve been at work all day surrounded by women getting flowers and shit all day. How could you forget?!” I hoped and waited for some plausible explanation. His face turned red and he jumped up out of the recliner and yelled at me, “No! I didn’t forget! I just didn’t do anything because you didn’t deserve anything!” I have never been so hurt in my life by another human. I have had people say hateful and ugly things to me and have been able to brush them off. But for the man who swore to love me until the day he died to say that I didn’t deserve anything on Valentines Day, I was struck to core of my being. I felt the blood leave my face. I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. I couldn’t even cry at first because I was shocked and dumbfounded at the hateful words he had just hurled at me. I looked at this stranger standing in front of me and shook my head as if I didn’t know who or what he was. I backed up until my heels touched the bottom stair of the staircase. I kept shaking my head. When I caught my breath, I said quietly, “If I had a Mama to run home to tonight, I would leave you. That was one of the most hateful and mean things I have ever heard anyone ever say. I hate you.”
I turned and ran up the stairs as fast as I could to the bedroom. I could hear him running behind me yelling he was sorry. I knew he wasn’t sorry. He was only sorry that I had heard the truth. I beat him to the bedroom door and got it locked. I shoved the dresser against it. I ran into the adjoining bathroom and turned on the water in the shower and the sink to drown out his voice and leaned against the wall as I began to sob. I slid to the floor and sat there crying. After he finally quit yelling and trying to get me to talk, I turned the water off. I just didn’t want to hear his voice.
After many hours of crying, I got up and washed my face. I quickly grabbed my shoes and purse and ran downstairs. He had fallen asleep in the recliner. I jumped in my car and drove for an hour or two. When I got home he was frantic with worry. I told him since he didn’t seem to care enough to get me anything for Valentines Day then he shouldn’t care when or where I decided to go driving. I went upstairs and slept in the guest room that night. I let him have our bedroom because I wanted him to have full access to his clothing to get ready for work the next morning and to leave the house for the day and to leave me alone.
This is why I can’t stand Valentines Day. True story. So for any family who believes my ex-husband is still a saint, he’s not. This is just one example of his hatefulness towards me. There were others…oh so many others. I don’t hate him. I just don’t see the point in denying the truth or hiding it to protect him. It is old news and people wonder why I feel the way I do about certain things. Here’s why.
- Local Lawyer Offers Free Valentines Day Divorce (detroit.cbslocal.com)
- Top 10 – Ways To Get Away For/From Valentines Day (essentialtravel.co.uk)
- How To Spend Your Anti-Valentine’s Day (amp.cbslocal.com)
- Lawyer Knows The Best Time To Give Someone A Free Divorce Is On Valentine’s Day (consumerist.com)