Judge Much?

Most of my life I have felt judged. I didn’t look good enough. I wasn’t smart enough. I didn’t have enough money. I wasn’t thin enough. I didn’t do everything right. I didn’t say everything right. I wasn’t talented enough. Nothing was ENOUGH! And there were lots of people around to let me know that I was absolutely right! I was never going to be enough. No matter how much I tried, they didn’t think my efforts were going to be enough.

Finally in adulthood I was like, “What am I doing? Why am I trying so hard?! Why does it matter?” Know what? Personally, it doesn’t! I got tired of being a people-pleaser. It wasn’t pleasing me. I wasn’t be myself really. I wasn’t happy when others were still not satisfied. I felt frustrated. And I was still constantly judged. Who do I need to please? Myself and God. If I can live with myself daily and I can live with my relationship with God, I think I am good. I can always do better in life. That is a given. Who couldn’t? But I don’t have to ask others to be ok with who I am. You like me or not. I’m too old to play games and I am too old to care what you think. I am over it. I will always strive to do better in life, but it will be for personal edification and not to please others.

Recently I was reading a post on Facebook about one person posting about how someone might not be a Christian because of their posts. I like this person. But that bothered me. What if someone was having a bad day and said something with “curse” words in it? Does that make them not a Christian? I don’t think so. Which words are off-limits? Is it ok to talk about drinking but not cussing? I mean, where is the line on this? It really bothered me. If you’re friends with someone, be friends with them and accept them. Their Christianity is their own to deal with. It is not your responsibility.

Personally, I know I cuss too much. I know it. I have talked to God about it. I cuss so I don’t explode. But I guess what I don’t get it is if you don’t agree with someone, then stop being their friend and stop judging them. Do any of us have a right to judge someone else? I don’t know what you deal with. If you heard some of the crap I deal with you might be like, “How does she not snap?!” I cuss too much. I deal with a lot of stress and I feel like my head would blow off if I didn’t let that steam out in some way. Some days I can curtail my mouth and some days I can’t. Some days after you have been told what a terrible human you are and how awful you are and you can’t say anything back to someone, you wait until you are away from the person and then let a stream come out that sometimes turns blue to prevent your head from exploding.

Matthew 7:3-5: ³ Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴ Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Yeah, that was Jesus talking. So if He is saying to not judge, maybe we as mere mortals need to take the advice. It’s hard. We’re always going to judge in some fashion. It’s human nature. We do it so well. But most of us don’t like being judged and so most of us need to quit judging. If you want to influence others, a more positive approach is to lead by example. Showing a positive example is the best way to live I think. (I’m trying to cut back on the cussing and deal with stress more positively. So far I haven’t done so well, but I keep trying!)

Related articles

• Judge Not – What does it really mean? (christianitymatters.com)
• Question: How To Judge People Without Alienating Them (Spoiler: You Can’t) (jsparkblog.com)
• “Why are Christians so judgmental?” (altruistico.wordpress.com)
• Matthew Chapter 7 Verses One through five (redeemedbythe1.wordpress.com)
• Don’t Judge That? – Unscrambling Judgment – Part 5 (anotherredletterday.com)
• “if you judge people, you have no time to love them” (lindsayleighbentley.com)

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Usually Christmas gets me down. For some reason, not this year. I have been happy, introspective, and reflective. I have not allowed myself to focus so much on myself and my usual grief. The holiday season brings up loss for me and how much I have lost. I could sit and whine and cry about the fact that I have lost 95% of the people I ever loved but I just didn’t want to this year. And I will say it probably took a good decade to quit that. This year my focus was on the reason for the season (I know how corny that sounds). It’s the celebration of the birth of my Savior and his life. Another focus for me was the way Jesus lived his life and how he helped people and loved people. My parents loved doing this, too. And at this time of year there are so many people in need. I am a bargain shopper and was able to look for great bargains and find some wonderful deals and wonderful gifts for some kids for Christmas.

I also found ways to give that didn’t cost me a dime. There were organizations that benefitted just by me “liking” something on Facebook. I can click a button! I can like something if that means they are going to get money!

Today if you want to give a present to someone you don’t know, you still can. You can go to an online group that has lots of people that needs help financially with applications requesting funding. It is a legitimate group and all you have to do is decide what dollar amount you want to give and pull out your money card and put it in! It’s that simple. It’s called Modest Needs and they have many people who have requested help. It’s a year round organization so don’t let my Christmas post fool you.

Merry Christmas! I wish your heart be merry and light and all your Christmases be bright.

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Giving Thanks

There were times in my life when I wasn’t sure I really had much to be thankful for. I felt so empty and alone that I just didn’t see how I could be grateful for that. Over the past couple of years I have learned that while I may feel alone that I am not. I may no longer really be part of any one particular family anymore, I am still Amy.

I am grateful that my mother raised me to be outspoken and free-thinking and willful. Some people think she didn’t do that, but she told me one day in a very long and poignant conversation that she did that because she wanted me to speak out and be heard when I wanted or needed to be. She didn’t want me to feel stifled like she had in her life. So I am very grateful for a Mama who loved me enough to raise a wild-ass daughter, even when it backfired at times. (I know it seems like I am leaving my father out, but I am thankful for him and I do love and miss him. He just didn’t appreciate this particular aspect of me like Mama did.)

I have a few people who are in my life that are in that inner realm and I am grateful for them. I thank them for being a  part of my life. They didn’t duck and run when times weren’t easy. They stood fast and strong and waited for the storms of life to end so that the healing of time could begin. I am thankful. I have a love for these people that is beyond measure. It is rare to find these kinds of people to stand with you like this. Many people will run as soon as there is a moment of discomfort. I found that out the hard way with family and friends. Not all of them, but some. Some I never imagined and some I knew would do so. It hurt. That is why my love for the ones left is so much more powerful.

I am also very thankful for my country. I love the United States. It may not be perfect, but it is home and it is wonderful! I am free to say and think my dreams. Not everyone in this world has that privilege and that is so sad.

I am thankful for my dear cats who love me unconditionally. They make me smile and laugh at times when I don’t want to or don’t think it is possible. Soleil with her sweet, gentle heart. Chloe with her catch-me-if-you-can attitude. Such a difference in personalities and yet we are all a happy little family together. They both just love.

I am thankful for a job. Yes, it drives me crazy often, but it also provides enough money to live meagerly. I have days when I want to scream and tear out other people’s hair, but I think about how many people would like a job and it stops me. I have a job that I rock at. I have made some good friends over those phone lines. I am grateful for that paycheck.

I am even grateful for past relationships. They have shown me what I shouldn’t do and what I should look for. They have opened my eyes to my own flaws and have helped me overcome some of them and have helped me realize that I am stronger than I ever believed possible.

I am thankful for God for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Having lost my family young, I lost that cheering section that most people have. Most of us have a crowd of people telling us we can do things and to just go for it. When you feel lost and alone, it is hard to do that. But thankfully God has more faith in me than I have in myself and He cheers me on and tells me I can do things. I may not have a massive cheering section, but I have a great one!

I am thankful for anyone reading this. It means a lot that anyone has taken the time to read my heart, mind, and sometimes soul. Thank you.

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I Prayed For Ya, Baby! Reposted

I sure did! Now I am sure whoever is reading this is wondering, “Who is she talking about?” Well, I prayed for many, and a few in particular. One was quite specific. Why? Because I am supposed to. Because sometimes other people need prayer. Because sometimes other people don’t know that they need prayer. Because sometimes people can’t pray for themselves. Because sometimes people have hurt us and rather than lash out in anger it is better to just pray for them. Because it is more powerful to pray for them than say anything directly to them. Because sometimes you love them and can’t do anything else but pray for them. Because sometimes prayer is all that is left. And finally because God said to.

So, do you think those are enough reasons? I do. So I did. And it wasn’t easy. My prayer for most people was for healing, whether it was physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. I think we all endure some form of imprisonment that we battle and it is helpful to have someone else on our side fighting that battle. One person in particular that I prayed for has waffled on his beliefs and one reason I prayed for him is because he does know the truth but he hides from it. I know he knows the truth because he has prayed for me. He only did it once but when he did, a miracle happened. I was almost homeless and didn’t know how I was going to pay the rent and somehow after his prayer there was enough money. I felt that was to show him that God was providing. If he is reading this right now, yes, you have been prayed for TODAY. Your life can change! Nothing is unforgivable. Maybe you have thought that in the past, but it was a lie. It’s an incredible LIE that was created to keep you and so many others down.

I will keep praying. There are many reasons. Here are some verses that tell us to do so:

Job 42:10 And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.

Ephesians 6:18 Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,

1 Timothy 2:1 First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people,

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

I will continue praying because not only have I been instructed to, but also because I know that so many people need it. I have seen the power of prayer in my life as well as in others. I am not the perfect Christian by any means. I still say and do things I shouldn’t, but I do know I am saved by grace and have that hope for others as well.

Fat Tuesday

Image via Wikipedia

Today is Fat Tuesday. (Every Tuesday is fat at my house!) Fat Tuesday is the day before Lent starts. The purpose of Fat Tuesday is to indulge in preparation for Lent, which is a 40 day period of fasting.No, it’s not a 40 day fast from food. That could kill someone! No, it’s a time of self-denial. I guess this helps you get closer to God. For some people they may be praying hard to get through 40 days of doing without something they love. Fat Tuesday is also the last day of Mardi Gras, which is literally the name Fat Tuesday. I suppose they close it down with a bang before giving up something they love.

Catholics and Protestants observe Lent. I’m a Protestant and personally feel we should always remain connect to God, but this time period really provides or even necessitates it.

If you are giving up something for Lent, I wish you well. 40 days is a long time, but it is probably well worth it. Am I giving up something? I’m not sure. I have already given up men and am almost a nun. So I’ll think about it today and decide.

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