I got an email from a jewelry store with the subject: Find that special ring for the one you’re going to marry. Ummmm…you’ve got more faith than I do. And frankly, you have it COMPLETELY backwards! I ain’t buying the platinum! He is! And has he been talking to you about this and not me? Is this a whole secret admirer thing where I am supposed to guess? Do you have a psychic? WTF!?!?!
I ask these questions because the dates have not been real prosperous. I’m a first date kinda chick. I’ll kick the tires and if they don’t feel right, it’s on to the next. I don’t trust faulty tires, or bad lines. Both send me running like someone was trying to set my hair on fire. I like my hair.
Now if you want to set my heart ablaze, that is a whole other story. And a man who is old enough to date me should kind of have an idea. I do plan to write a letter to this future Mr. Wonderful (fictitious or not) soon so he will get it. Lead a horse to water and all that crap. If he won’t drink, drown his ass!
So, to the jewelry store, send the damned email to the right man, not me! I’m too busy working my ass off to stay afloat in this crazy life. I don’t have time to pine after that stupid 2 carat diamond that you think I should want. BTW, I don’t want that. I like diamonds. I actually LOVE diamonds! But I don’t want that ring. But thanks for caring!