Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

It’s Amy. This year was quite the year. I will not say I was an angel, but considering all I had to deal with I certainly wasn’t the devil I could have been. I mean, I had to deal with an obsessive-compulsive Lawn Mower Man/Weed Eater Man/Leaf Blower Man just about daily. Lack of sleep and just plain ol’ meanness nearly drove me to doing some pretty drastic measures. I didn’t put out the extra rocks that I considered. I also didn’t put clear forks in the lawn, tines up, to maim the mower. Yes, I admit the thought occurred but I was rational. I figured I would get evicted if I did it. See?! I was good AND showed restraint! That should count for something! Right?!?!

I also didn’t pitch fits at work at times when I wanted to. I was cussed at on the phones at times and called in at crazy hours. I didn’t get to go home to Alabama as planned because things at work changed. But I kept on working and sucked it up. I worked while sniffling, sneezing, running a fever, and feeling like someone had run me over. Shouldn’t that warrant some good favor?

So, Ho Ho, I would like some things this year and think I am deserving. I would like:

• A vacation get-away somewhere warm and quiet, but with internet access
• A new bed that feels like heaven when I climb in it
• A new laptop
• A nice age-appropriate woman for Lawn Mower Man/Weed Eater Man/Leaf Blower Man to keep him occupied and TIRED
• A nice age-appropriate man for me that will make me laugh again and possibly keep me tired, too (wink-wink)
• A cat tower for my girls because they deserve it
• More money in my bank account
• Spa day for me

I think upon review, you’ll find these things to be not so bad. I could have said, “Screw it!” But I didn’t! I have been pretty good for the majority of the year. Yeah, there were some slip ups and my mouth might need to be cleaned out a little, but it’s not as bad as it could be. Santa, don’t ya have it in your heart to help a middle aged chick out? I mean, honestly, in the last decade you have been slacking. I haven’t said anything but frankly enough is enough.

Love,

Amy

National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day

A peanut butter and jelly sandwich, made with Skippy peanut butter and Welch's grape jelly on white bread. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yum! National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day! What a great day! Such a classic. This is probably the first sandwich you ever fixed for yourself. It is a great food memory for most.

I love PB&J. So delicious. I think I could probably eat this for at least one meal 5 out of 7 days a week. Easy. I typically use jam instead of jelly. It’s only because it’s strawberry and jelly is smoother and jam has more whole fruit in it that has been jellied. You still get the same result. Yummy goodness! I do like other flavors, too. Grape and apple are good. But strawberry jam is my absolute favorite.

Now lemme warn you, though, that I am picky about my PB&J. I do not like my jelly to permeate my bread and make it sticky and soggy. Ewww! No. I put a thin layer of peanut butter on the two pieces of bread in order to protect my bread. Then I put my jam/jelly and then it is ready to go. I prefer it on white bread, but this can vary. I don’t have to have the crusts cut off unless they’re super thick and way too chewy. I like a cold glass of milk with my sandwich.

These sandwiches take me right back to a happy food memory. It’s a happy childhood time. And usually after having one I need my naptime! Does PB&J conjure up food memories for you?

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Scales?

So I checked the mail. It was the usual. A pile of bills, magazines, and catalogs. As I was watching an episode of The Firm (great show, by the way) I was flipping through a catalog. I was just perusing and checking it out. Not really looking for anything specific. I just wanted to see what they had. Then I stumbled upon their home goods section. They had bathroom scales. I was intrigued. They had scales that projected your weight on the wall. They had scales that talk. It makes you wonder, do the scales whisper the weight? Or does it say it in a judging tone? Does it yell it? I mean, it’s bad enough that people feel the need to weigh, but to have that number announced? I don’t think so. I think I would feel condemned.

So here’s the question, would you have talking scales? Or any scales for that matter?

I’m Giving Myself a Present!

I decided I work hard and I’m giving myself a present. I’m taking my life back. It’s been a rough year. I thought it was going to be my year of redemption. Not so much. It’s been a year filled with chaos, pain, uncertainty, and confusion. That makes me like a deer in the headlights. I just kinda stop everything hoping that something will make sense eventually.

It took a long time, but things are starting to make sense. I’m tired of the way things are going. Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well, we all know he was a science genius but he was also a great philosopher, too. So rather than continuing on the same path that I have been on, I am starting to make changes. Because some of you don’t know me, you don’t realize that I am completely fearful of change. While I do like new things, I don’t like it when it truly affects me.

Some of the changes are really hard for me. I am used to standing up for other people but not really for myself. So I have been doing that. I don’t always do it perfectly. But hey, cut me some slack! I’m new to this. Taking care of myself is not so easy. I’m more of a careGIVER. I am now standing up for myself when people treat me wrong. For some reason I’m a magnet for people who think they can say or do whatever they want. Guess what. Nope. So I’m taking care of that.

I’m also trying to get my home the way I want it. Right now it looks like a hurricane, tornado, and cyclone all had a meeting here. That’s changing. I did some cleaning this morning and didn’t get everything done, but I feel a little better. So I’m working on that.

See? I’m giving myself my life back and that is a huge present!

Mama’s Boys

Mama’s boys…where do we even start? A man that loves his mother and treats her with respect is a good thing. Let’s lay that out on the table. A man over the age of 25 who is still dependent on Mama for approval, money, shelter, clothing needs to cut those apron strings! Yeah, it’s easy to run to Mama for all the niceties of home, but how are you ever going to learn to be on your own? How are you ever going to learn to really do for yourself? You have to do this in order to be a functioning and successful adult. Mama ain’t gonna be there forever. And frankly, Mama’s Boys, Mama doesn’t like most of the women you’re going to like and Mama will destroy those relationships. And you’re going to turn a blind eye to it because Mama is perfect. And who is going to suffer? You.

So if you’re a Mama’s Boy, stop! It is sickening to see and you’re taking yourself off the market for at least 2/3 of the female population. Be kind and loving to Mama, but go to your own home and take care of yourself. You’ll be a lot happier in the long run.