Merry Christmas Everyone!

Usually Christmas gets me down. For some reason, not this year. I have been happy, introspective, and reflective. I have not allowed myself to focus so much on myself and my usual grief. The holiday season brings up loss for me and how much I have lost. I could sit and whine and cry about the fact that I have lost 95% of the people I ever loved but I just didn’t want to this year. And I will say it probably took a good decade to quit that. This year my focus was on the reason for the season (I know how corny that sounds). It’s the celebration of the birth of my Savior and his life. Another focus for me was the way Jesus lived his life and how he helped people and loved people. My parents loved doing this, too. And at this time of year there are so many people in need. I am a bargain shopper and was able to look for great bargains and find some wonderful deals and wonderful gifts for some kids for Christmas.

I also found ways to give that didn’t cost me a dime. There were organizations that benefitted just by me “liking” something on Facebook. I can click a button! I can like something if that means they are going to get money!

Today if you want to give a present to someone you don’t know, you still can. You can go to an online group that has lots of people that needs help financially with applications requesting funding. It is a legitimate group and all you have to do is decide what dollar amount you want to give and pull out your money card and put it in! It’s that simple. It’s called Modest Needs and they have many people who have requested help. It’s a year round organization so don’t let my Christmas post fool you.

Merry Christmas! I wish your heart be merry and light and all your Christmases be bright.

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Won’t You Give?

This time of year is really hard on a lot of people. Then I see a lot of people online who post about how they spent so much money on themselves. I am hoping that they are also considering helping others, too. There are a lot of people who need some help. I don’t care who you are or what your political beliefs are, I’d like for  you to think for a moment about a kid on Christmas morning getting nothing. It’s not their fault that their parents are poor. It’s not their fault that the parents are possibly irresponsible. All they’re going to be thinking of on Christmas morning is how they didn’t get shit and it really hurts. If they do happen to have internet access, they’re going to see all of their friends posting about what all great presents they got. When they go back to school, everyone is going to say, “I got this or that for Christmas! What did you get?!” How are they going to feel when they have to lie? It’s going to hurt like you can’t even imagine.

I’m asking people who can afford to help others to do so. My Mama and Daddy had to have help for me at Christmas when I was a kid and I know it was hard. They weren’t lazy; we were just poor and struggling hard. If you have the financial means to help someone have a decent Christmas, please do so. You can find names on Angel Trees, through churches, through schools, through the Salvation Army, through local charitable organizations. If you don’t have time to shop, hell, tell me what age group and I’ll pick out everything online and send you a list and all you have to do is go to the website and pay for it! It’ll be sent to your home.

Encourage your workplace to get involved! Mine is sponsoring a whole family as well as another child through a local charitable organization. And don’t forget the older children! They’re often forgotten. They still want and need attention, too.

This is something that is heavy on my heart. I hope you’ll care about it as much as me.

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Truly Thankful

I should be asleep. I am tired. It’s Thanksgiving and I have to work tonight. Last night was busy. I’m afraid tonight will be, too.

Holidays bring up emotions, memories, and cause sleep to be hard. I just took more sleep meds. I am hoping they kick in soon. I have been mostly in a great mood. This morning, though, memories flooded me of years gone by. This brought up so many mixed emotions. Happy times. Sad times. People and places I just can’t forget. Some I wish I could and some I hope I never do.

I did really well for a while. I fought emotions off that were negative and went with the positive ones. I wrote my Happy Thanksgiving post on Facebook. I received some wonderful replies. Then I got the most wonderful post from my Mama’s best friend that touched my heart so much that I just lost it. I cried like a baby. I think the dam broke from all the emotions of earlier in the day and I cried the deep heaving sobs that wrack your whole body and the hot tears pour as if there is no stopping them. There is a primal sound that is indescribable and comes from your core. Thankfully, this dam was quickly repaired and control was again underway, but it was such a powerful few minutes. It made my sweet Soleil run to see if I was ok. She kept making these noises with me as I poured my heart out and just let me stroke her. My Mama’s best friend told me that she was grateful that she could still see my face and still knew me after all these years and that she was glad for the reason she knew me (my Mama) and that she loved me. It was such a wonderful thing to see. It was so wonderful to know that someone was thankful for me.

I often think of how insignificant I am. Yes, I guess I have esteem issues. There are days when I know I am a rock star at certain things, but then there are times when in the grand scheme of things when I think no one really cares about me. Knowing that someone loves me and is grateful that they met me through my mother is amazing. It just made my heart swell.

I also had my heart lifted when my friends were worried about me not having something good to eat for Thanksgiving. One friend even was going to bring me food at work because she was so worried. I told her not to worry and just enjoy her time with family and friends because there is food at work waiting on me. A friend at work went ahead and made a plate up for me to make sure I didn’t get cheated. That has happened in the past and so she wanted to make sure I was taken care of. I am very appreciative.

I really got to celebrate Thanksgiving today. I know I did a post for today already, but the thing is that today I got to really feel it. While there was some moments that I didn’t want to feel, I was rewarded by some loving people who really care about me. And that is what I am so thankful for. These people touch my heart and my life and just make me so grateful to know them. They make life so much easier when life is so hard.

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Mother’s Day

What I would give to tell mine to have a happy Mother’s Day! I would love to hug her and kiss her cheek. I’d love to aggravate her and laugh with her and make her lunch. I hope that people who do have theirs realize how lucky they are. It’s a blessing. If you have your mother, don’t forget to tell her what she means to you.  And for those of your who don’t have your mother today, I hope you think of something that makes you smile and can reflect on that.

I haven’t been able to speak to mine since 1996 and that’s a long time. I miss her and our crazy times together. She was a good woman who owned a majority of my heart.

So to all the mamas, out there….HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Simple. Sweet. I don’t know what else to say except I am so glad for the birth of Jesus and all it did and represented.

I hope if anyone reading this is traveling that you have safe travels. I hope that if anyone reading this is experiencing pain in their lives that your burdens be lightened. I hope that anyone reading this knows the true reason for CHRISTmas…the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.

Happy birthday, Jesus!