Sometimes I wonder if I have forgotten how to really hope and dream. It’s very disheartening for someone who has the soul of an artist. Hopes and dreams help you create. I haven’t felt as creative as I would like. I have some projects here to work on but I just honestly haven’t had the time or energy to work on them.
I have been working so much that these things seemed to have faded. I come home and honestly my brain is so filled with information that I just can’t focus on ME as much as I would like. I wish that I had more time to just rest and live. But I know right now that is impossible.
Maybe it is good in a way that I have all this work. By the time I do get home I just really can’t think too much. This can be good. I think between excessive work and the changing of seasons I have begun to feel depressed. I feel the looming of the holidays and that never helps. I try to do positive things and focus on what all is good. I do. There are so many worse things that could be going on in life. Maybe that is why the excessive work is good? It gives me less time to think. Less time to become depressed. Less time in general.
It does, however, leave me exhausted. Yesterday I worked 14.25 hours at a high-stress job. The day before it was 13 hours. All I could think of when I got home was how tired my body was and the physical pain I was in.
One thing, though, is I miss the people I love. I haven’t seen them in forever. I haven’t been able to speak with them on the phone or in person like I would like. I talk on the phone so much that I just don’t when I get home. I think my own voice can hurt my head. The other night at work I was so saccharine-sweet that I annoyed myself.
I guess the hopes and dreams I have is to win the lottery or something so I don’t have to work this hard. I hope for happiness. I honestly don’t allow myself to dream of it lest my heart want it too much. It is better that if it isn’t going to happen that I don’t get my hopes up. Disappointment is a bitter pill to swallow.
- DISHEARTENED. To depress the hope, courage, or spirits of; discourage. (askinsaneelaine.com)
- Dream Without Limits (christianmotivations.weebly.com)
- Dreams do come true… (kgahdz.wordpress.com)
- Remembering How to Dream [Mth 7-Day 3-Post 45] (destinationdiscipline.wordpress.com)