I have found we all need this at some point. Give it when you can and hope you will receive it when you need it.
Most of my life I have felt judged. I didn’t look good enough. I wasn’t smart enough. I didn’t have enough money. I wasn’t thin enough. I didn’t do everything right. I didn’t say everything right. I wasn’t talented enough. Nothing was ENOUGH! And there were lots of people around to let me know that I was absolutely right! I was never going to be enough. No matter how much I tried, they didn’t think my efforts were going to be enough.
Finally in adulthood I was like, “What am I doing? Why am I trying so hard?! Why does it matter?” Know what? Personally, it doesn’t! I got tired of being a people-pleaser. It wasn’t pleasing me. I wasn’t be myself really. I wasn’t happy when others were still not satisfied. I felt frustrated. And I was still constantly judged. Who do I need to please? Myself and God. If I can live with myself daily and I can live with my relationship with God, I think I am good. I can always do better in life. That is a given. Who couldn’t? But I don’t have to ask others to be ok with who I am. You like me or not. I’m too old to play games and I am too old to care what you think. I am over it. I will always strive to do better in life, but it will be for personal edification and not to please others.
Recently I was reading a post on Facebook about one person posting about how someone might not be a Christian because of their posts. I like this person. But that bothered me. What if someone was having a bad day and said something with “curse” words in it? Does that make them not a Christian? I don’t think so. Which words are off-limits? Is it ok to talk about drinking but not cussing? I mean, where is the line on this? It really bothered me. If you’re friends with someone, be friends with them and accept them. Their Christianity is their own to deal with. It is not your responsibility.
Personally, I know I cuss too much. I know it. I have talked to God about it. I cuss so I don’t explode. But I guess what I don’t get it is if you don’t agree with someone, then stop being their friend and stop judging them. Do any of us have a right to judge someone else? I don’t know what you deal with. If you heard some of the crap I deal with you might be like, “How does she not snap?!” I cuss too much. I deal with a lot of stress and I feel like my head would blow off if I didn’t let that steam out in some way. Some days I can curtail my mouth and some days I can’t. Some days after you have been told what a terrible human you are and how awful you are and you can’t say anything back to someone, you wait until you are away from the person and then let a stream come out that sometimes turns blue to prevent your head from exploding.
Matthew 7:3-5: 3 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
Yeah, that was Jesus talking. So if He is saying to not judge, maybe we as mere mortals need to take the advice. It’s hard. We’re always going to judge in some fashion. It’s human nature. We do it so well. But most of us don’t like being judged and so most of us need to quit judging. If you want to influence others, a more positive approach is to lead by example. Showing a positive example is the best way to live I think. (I’m trying to cut back on the cussing and deal with stress more positively. So far I haven’t done so well, but I keep trying!)
Love is something I wonder about. Today is a very appropriate day for it. Today would be my wedding anniversary. Maybe it still is? I’m not sure since I’m divorced. Seventeen years ago I married a man I should never have married. I cared about him, but looking back I see it wasn’t the love that should make you say those binding words. I aimed to please, though, and I was doing what was expected. Had he not made the decision to end the marriage, I would probably still be married to him. That’s just who I am. I take a vow like that seriously. I said “until death do us part” and I really meant it.
I have been in a very serious relationship since my marriage. I was actually going to get married to someone else. That ended painfully. All this led me to wonder if I will love again. Can I? Can someone love me? I am not sure. I think I am at a point now, though, where I just don’t want to deal with it. I shake my head at that thought because I never thought I would think something like that. But a part of me just wants to focus on other aspects of my life and not put time and effort into looking and/or pining over someone. All of that takes a lot of time and energy. I just don’t know that I have enough for that pursuit.
I suppose if love is going to enter my life then God needs to bring him to me. I’m not looking.
I sure did! Now I am sure whoever is reading this is wondering, “Who is she talking about?” Well, I prayed for many, and a few in particular. One was quite specific. Why? Because I am supposed to. Because sometimes other people need prayer. Because sometimes other people don’t know that they need prayer. Because sometimes people can’t pray for themselves. Because sometimes people have hurt us and rather than lash out in anger it is better to just pray for them. Because it is more powerful to pray for them than say anything directly to them. Because sometimes you love them and can’t do anything else but pray for them. Because sometimes prayer is all that is left. And finally because God said to.
So, do you think those are enough reasons? I do. So I did. And it wasn’t easy. My prayer for most people was for healing, whether it was physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. I think we all endure some form of imprisonment that we battle and it is helpful to have someone else on our side fighting that battle. One person in particular that I prayed for has waffled on his beliefs and one reason I prayed for him is because he does know the truth but he hides from it. I know he knows the truth because he has prayed for me. He only did it once but when he did, a miracle happened. I was almost homeless and didn’t know how I was going to pay the rent and somehow after his prayer there was enough money. I felt that was to show him that God was providing. If he is reading this right now, yes, you have been prayed for TODAY. Your life can change! Nothing is unforgivable. Maybe you have thought that in the past, but it was a lie. It’s an incredible LIE that was created to keep you and so many others down.
I will keep praying. There are many reasons. Here are some verses that tell us to do so:
2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
I will continue praying because not only have I been instructed to, but also because I know that so many people need it. I have seen the power of prayer in my life as well as in others. I am not the perfect Christian by any means. I still say and do things I shouldn’t, but I do know I am saved by grace and have that hope for others as well.
I was reading about the anonymous donors who have been paying off lay-a-ways for people struggling. This has touched my heart so much. If you haven’t heard about it, then you can read more at http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/12/15/anonymous-donors-pay-off-kmart-layaway-accounts-across-country/. I may be a Grinch about a lot of things, but kids having Christmas is not one of them.
Wouldn’t it be nice if more people did this type of thing? Maybe we can’t do it on such a large-scale. But we can help others. I think that in recent times we are more of a “me” society. This type of thing is more about real Christian values and helping others in need. I love this philosophy. Help others. You never know when you may need help.
You may not think you have anything to offer. There are things you can do that aren’t huge but they mean a great deal to others. How about when you’re around parking meters and you see one about to expire that you throw your pocket change in it? It could stop someone from getting a ticket that they couldn’t afford. How about buying someone lunch? If you’re in a fast food line, pay for the person behind you. How about a food drive in your office? There are lots of things that can be done. Just do it. You don’t know how much a small act of kindness on your part will impact someone else’s life.
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