Time flies

Where does time go? It seems to get away from me. I think it is this time and then realize it is that time and then I am all in a tizzy. This morning I got sentimental. I realized Chloe the Cat is 5. It doesn’t seem that long. When I got her she was the tiniest thing. She weighed in at a grand four pounds. She was so tiny and mysterious. She could fit easily in ex’s palm at first. She was just so small. A small bundle of fur that was gorgeous. I just wanted to hold her and love her! She let me at first. I think she was scared not to. Then she started developing her own personality. And boy does she have a personality! She is a firecracker! The vet saw her and said immediately that we were going to be entertained by her. I didn’t understand, but he said her tortoiseshell calico coloring said it all. And he was right. She has entertained me so much through the years. She isn’t an affectionate cat often, but she recognizes true pain and does care. When I went through heartache, she slept beside me. She wouldn’t let me hold her and snuggle. She left that job up to her doting sister, Soleil. Chloe was just a quiet presence who gave me a look from time-to-time that told me she loved me.

Today it hit me hard that she is getting older and how she has changed. I love my little standoffish baby so much. She weighs about 9 pounds now and is still a firecracker.

I wish my baby would still let me hold her once in a while. She won’t. That’s Soleil’s job. I love Soleil. I would just like to hold Chloe, too.

 

Mi Vida Freakin Loca

The other day I wasn’t feeling well. I had a doctor’s appointment. I had just taken a shower and was drying off and the phone rang. I had missed work the night before with illness and I had a feeling it was work calling to see if I was coming in that night. If I don’t answer their calls quickly, they will call again. And again. And again. It’s easier to just answer and deal with it.

But I couldn’t find the phone and I was still drying, which meant I was without clothing, just my soggy towel. I ran downstairs and found the missing phone and sat down to make the obligatory call to work and told them I assumed if I wasn’t dead that yes, I would be there that night. I told them I had to go because I was getting ready for the doctor’s appointment I had.

Well, about that time more chaos ensues in my house. Now remember, I am still sitting there with my soggy towel. All of a sudden I hear what I call Leaf Blower Man outside. He is very close. Like right outside my damned window close! My cat loves to check Leaf Blower Man out to see what craziness he is up to daily. Turns out he was on my back patio blowing damned leaves like a damned tornado AT my sliding glass door. This creates a frenzy for my neurotic cat. She then tries to attack the leaves through the glass. She almost gave herself a damned concussion because she popped the door so hard. And she did it more than once. I don’t know if he was doing it as a game or if he was totally freaking oblivious. All I know is she is jumping around like a Mexican jumping bean and the blinds are swinging at a precarious and frenetic rate and I’m sitting there in only a  soggy towel. It wasn’t a pretty site and my anxiety level was through the roof. What if she knocked the blinds down? OMG this was embarrassment waiting to happen!

I sat there praying God would either make her realize hitting the glass wasn’t working, knock her out, or she would become bored with the whole leaf game. The latter happened. She got bored!  The blinds quit swinging. The Leaf Blower Man finally stopped. And I was able to get dressed! It’s a wonder my blood pressure wasn’t through the roof when I went to the doctor but it was fine. And this is mi vida freakin loca!

Funny, Tired or Insane?

You know you’ve felt that moment where something is hysterically funny and you just weren’t sure if it was really that funny or if you were just that tired or if you were truly insane. Yesterday I had one of those moments. I have had a rough week. I was getting into bed after a lot of aggravation. I was exhausted. I was fixing the pillows and the covers just so. Suddenly there is this noise that made me jump. My “plump” (read that as fat) cat who weighs 16 lbs decides she wants up on the window sill. Now, the window is blacked out so I don’t know why she wants up there. She can’t see out. But she wants up there. The ledge is as wide as a dollar bill is long. The cat is a little (read a lot) larger than this. So I’m sitting on the bed watching Soleil jump up and catch her front paws on that ledge. She hung on for dear life. I am watching with bemused amazement that she can hold on. Then she got a back leg up but didn’t quite get the rest of herself up. So she is hanging on sideways on the window sill. I wish I could have grabbed the camera but I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face. I haven’t laughed like that in a long time. I couldn’t stop. It got funnier with the look she gave me. Oh she wasn’t happy with my howling laughter. Then the question of whether it was truly funny, if I was tired, or if I was insane crossed my mind. At the time I really didn’t care. I don’t care too much now either. I have decided that I enjoyed the laughter and whatever state of mind produced it, I must have needed it at the moment. If the laughter persists I might worry. I do think I need much more of it but I think there should be a reason. Cats riding side-saddle on a window sill certainly seems to be a good reason. Don’t you think?

Aubrey-fiction

Aubrey sat there and felt dead inside. That was the only way to describe it. Empty and dead. It was appropriate. All she could think about was the people she’d lost and buried years ago. She felt as dead as they were. It had only been ten years since she buried them. Amazing how time didn’t cure all wounds. It was a lie. How many times had people patted her hand or back and quietly said that time heals all wounds? She wished she could go back in time and tell them to quit lying.

It was Saturday night. Most people her age were either out celebrating life or enjoying their families. She was home alone. Well, she wasn’t completely alone. Her two cats were there with her. Luna and Bella kept her company when no one else would. They were her confidantes, her therapists, her friends.

At first she couldn’t figure out why today was so sentimental. Finally it dawned on her. Another anniversary. It seemed like every day was an anniversary of something. Every day was a reminder of lost loved ones. Typically she could numb herself in some way. Medications worked sometimes. Alcohol worked. Sometimes throwing herself into projects numbed her brain and body. Today was a day where a cocktail was needed. A little Xanax taken with a shot of tequila. She would feel better soon. And if not, hopefully she would just fall asleep.

The TV was on. She tried watching but there was nothing on that caught her mind, attention or heart. She just kept replaying conversations, moments, and just things that hurt. She wanted to turn the movies in her head off and focus on the TV. If only it was that easy. Her therapist had worked with her on techniques. Nothing was working. She wanted to scream. It would scare the cats. Instead she nestled deeper into the covers of the bed and pulled them around her. She left the TV on and lay there crying. She tried to not make too much noise. She didn’t want to scare the cats.

 (This is part of the creative writing/fiction that I am working on.)

My Poor Baby

Yesterday my poor baby, Soleil, was not up for all the celebrating. I didn’t realize how upset she was over the fireworks until at one point they had died down but then someone started up with firecrackers. I heard this noise and actually thought my stomach was growling. Then I realized it was coming from the cat. Poor Soleil was shaking. I hope the people around here get rid of their fireworks soon so my baby girl can have some peace soon. I hated leaving her last night to go to work. She was just so upset. She finally retreated to a closet and refused to come out. I was so grateful when I got home this morning and saw her sitting there waiting for me when I opened the door. We had a little morning snuggle and are about to head to get some sleep.

Hope anyone else with pets survived the 4th.