Love is something I wonder about. Today is a very appropriate day for it. Today would be my wedding anniversary. Maybe it still is? I’m not sure since I’m divorced. Seventeen years ago I married a man I should never have married. I cared about him, but looking back I see it wasn’t the love that should make you say those binding words. I aimed to please, though, and I was doing what was expected. Had he not made the decision to end the marriage, I would probably still be married to him. That’s just who I am. I take a vow like that seriously. I said “until death do us part” and I really meant it.
I have been in a very serious relationship since my marriage. I was actually going to get married to someone else. That ended painfully. All this led me to wonder if I will love again. Can I? Can someone love me? I am not sure. I think I am at a point now, though, where I just don’t want to deal with it. I shake my head at that thought because I never thought I would think something like that. But a part of me just wants to focus on other aspects of my life and not put time and effort into looking and/or pining over someone. All of that takes a lot of time and energy. I just don’t know that I have enough for that pursuit.
I suppose if love is going to enter my life then God needs to bring him to me. I’m not looking.