Being a Teenager All Over Again

I have discovered that being an adult is really like being a teenager all over again. There are big differences, though. When you were a teenager the first time you were probably too young and stupid to realize what was really going on around you. Ignorance really is bliss, people! I wish I still had that ignorance at times.

So why do I feel like I am a teenager all over again? Some of the situations I am thrown into feel like that. She said, he said, they said all kinds of crap about so and so. And if you aren’t a part of this or that clique then you are just oh-so not cool. And if someone doesn’t like you, they’ll stab you in the back and throw you under a bus. Adulthood is just a much meaner version of being a teenager. The stakes are higher.

Then after you get past all of that drama, there’s dating. When you’re middle-aged you’ve probably got a failed marriage or a failed long-term relationship under your belt. You have this unwanted emotional baggage and some battle scars and wounds. And you still don’t want to be alone. And you’re not sure how it all works since it’s been 10-15 years since you’ve done this whole thing. So you try online dating and being set up. And you find it all horrifically demoralizing. You go to all the “right” places to meet people. You don’t want to meet people through work because that is just a time bomb waiting to blow. So you keep trying and hoping. Some work. Some don’t.

This is what it is like to be a teenager all over again. Ain’t it fun? Whoever signed up for this on purpose is an idiot.

We All Have “Stuff”

Have you ever noticed how other people think their “stuff” is more important than yours? I deal with this daily. I think because I am single with no kids that everyone assumes I just don’t have anything to do other than cater to their whims. I was hit with this assumption yet again last night and when I said no, I couldn’t drop everything, they were like , “Well, what do I do?” It took so much for me not to say, “You deal with it.” I am sorry they have stuff going on, but I have a lot on my plate, too. I don’t have time to play Mama to adults. I also don’t have the patience for the whining or the guilt trips. I’m sorry, but when I was going through some of the most horrific times of my life, I still dealt with my life and did what I needed to do. Like it or not! (And for the record, I didn’t like it.)

I don’t know if I just have a lot of entitled people in my life or if my give a damn is busted. But there comes a point where I have to say no. Just because  someone has my phone number and can dial it doesn’t mean that I’ll pick it up on the first ring. I can’t be someone’s beck and call girl (wow, I just said call girl) all the time. I have personal things to attend to and have very limited time to do so. It frustrates me to no end that people try to guilt me. And then even worse, it pisses me off and frustrates me that it has obviously worked!

So if anyone is reading this, do you deal with this, too? Do you have people who keep expecting and requesting things all the freaking time? Are you ready to scream? What do you do to not scream? I tried being polite and just say, “I’m sorry but I can’t.” That wasn’t good enough and they kept on. So I said, “I have to go.” Then they sent a text message. What in the world do you do? I can’t say all the ugly, rude things I want to say. So tell me what to do! I need advice.

Cost Benefit Analysis of a Relationship

Someone asked me what I thought about ending relationships. My thought is that it isn’t easy to do and should be considered carefully. So we discussed it further and I explained how I felt a relationship is an investment. You invest your feelings, time, energy, heart and soul in some relationships.

Now if you are married, I don’t suggest just getting a divorce. I don’t believe in that. But if the relationship is prior to marriage or is a friendship, I suggest the cost benefit analysis method. Look at the whole relationship. How much are you putting in? What is it costing you? Is that cost something you are comfortable with? Next you need to look at what your return is. What are you getting back? Do you feel like the other person is as invested in you as you are them? Are you comfortable with that? Once you’ve broken it down and analyzed it, then make a decision. Stay or go? Is this relationship worth it? Unfortunately, not all are. Some you have to let go and move on. And it hurts. And some you realize you aren’t putting enough effort in. Maybe you’ll get more out if you put more in. What is beneficial to you?

Bottom line, relationships are huge investments. We pour ourselves into them. We need to feel like we’re getting something back. If you’re not, then something needs to change. And you’re the only one who can figure out what that change needs to be.