Fiction Piece

Had a moment to start writing some fiction that I had spinning in my head.

She thought she imagined hearing her name and kept walking briskly. The wind was whipping and she pulled her coat tighter. Emmy was in a hurry and wanted to grab a quick gift in the bookstore before meeting friends for dinner. There it was again. She paused for a moment but kept walking. She didn’t want to stand out in the howling wind listening for imaginary sounds. If someone wanted to speak with her, they could catch up to her in the bookstore.

As Emmy opened the door to the store, she heard footsteps behind her as if someone was running. She did stop this time and turn around. “Emmy! I called for you but I guess you didn’t hear me.” She couldn’t believe she was staring at Chad. She realized she lived in a small town, but she had not expected to run into him, much less speak to him.

“Hello, Chad. How are you?” she asked.

He looked surprised. Her voice wasn’t friendly. It was almost as cold as the wind blowing. “I’m good! How are you? You look awesome!”

Emmy’s mind was racing and she had to tell herself to not react to him. For so long his voice could cause physical reactions. Her heart would quicken, palms sweat, breathing speed up. She willed herself to not react.

“Thanks.”

She didn’t know what else to say. When they had broken up, it wasn’t amicable. It was volatile and stressful and painful. When he decided he didn’t love her anymore he had given her the whole “let’s-be-friends” song and dance. She had loved him so much that she did want to try it for a while, but it was just too painful. All being friends meant was that he wanted her to be his emotional dumping ground and he could screw around with no guilt. For some reason that just didn’t seem fair to her.

Chad stood there looking uncomfortable. He seemed genuinely glad to see her but there was that awkwardness between them. They hadn’t spoken in almost a year. There had been a lot of changes in both of their lives during that time.

“Do you wanna grab a cup of coffee?” he asked hesitantly.

Emmy was uncertain of how to answer. She didn’t want to seem bitchy but she didn’t want to have coffee with him. First, she was in a hurry. Second, why would she want to sit and drink coffee with someone who had hurt her so much on purpose? Because he did seem to be sincere, Emmy tried to formulate a response that was suitable. It wasn’t easy.  Finally she just said, “I’m sorry but I have to go. I hope you’re doing well. Take care!”

Emmy began walking quickly to grab the book and a gift bag. She was ready to get out of here! She thought her interaction with Chad was over. She looked up and there he was. She raised her eyebrows in question.

Chad didn’t know exactly why he followed her. He just felt like there was something he had to say. “Look, I know you said you didn’t want to get coffee, but are you sure? I feel bad, Em.”

“Look Chad, I really don’t have time today. I have to be somewhere and I am already running late. I don’t have time for this. It was nice seeing you, but I really have to go.”

Emmy was starting to feel frustrated. It was one thing to run into him but now he was pushing her to have coffee after she said no. Why couldn’t he understand she had a life? He was no longer the center of her world. Unfortunately he had been for way too long.

She made her way to the counter to pay for what she had picked out.  Chad followed her. She was ready to scream at him. He was more attentive today than he was the last three months they were together. She almost laughed.

Aubrey-fiction

Aubrey sat there and felt dead inside. That was the only way to describe it. Empty and dead. It was appropriate. All she could think about was the people she’d lost and buried years ago. She felt as dead as they were. It had only been ten years since she buried them. Amazing how time didn’t cure all wounds. It was a lie. How many times had people patted her hand or back and quietly said that time heals all wounds? She wished she could go back in time and tell them to quit lying.

It was Saturday night. Most people her age were either out celebrating life or enjoying their families. She was home alone. Well, she wasn’t completely alone. Her two cats were there with her. Luna and Bella kept her company when no one else would. They were her confidantes, her therapists, her friends.

At first she couldn’t figure out why today was so sentimental. Finally it dawned on her. Another anniversary. It seemed like every day was an anniversary of something. Every day was a reminder of lost loved ones. Typically she could numb herself in some way. Medications worked sometimes. Alcohol worked. Sometimes throwing herself into projects numbed her brain and body. Today was a day where a cocktail was needed. A little Xanax taken with a shot of tequila. She would feel better soon. And if not, hopefully she would just fall asleep.

The TV was on. She tried watching but there was nothing on that caught her mind, attention or heart. She just kept replaying conversations, moments, and just things that hurt. She wanted to turn the movies in her head off and focus on the TV. If only it was that easy. Her therapist had worked with her on techniques. Nothing was working. She wanted to scream. It would scare the cats. Instead she nestled deeper into the covers of the bed and pulled them around her. She left the TV on and lay there crying. She tried to not make too much noise. She didn’t want to scare the cats.

 (This is part of the creative writing/fiction that I am working on.)

Beginning of the end

door 5 (Photo credit: astridula)

I had a day from hell and was full of dread. My in-laws were in town and I dreaded spending the evening with them. The last time they were in town they had insulted me and didn’t care. My husband always pooh-poohed their behavior. “Oh they didn’t mean it that way!” or “You took it the wrong way!” I had given up arguing with him about it. They were never wrong and I was always overreacting. (Whatever!)

I pulled into the driveway and saw one of my husband’s friend’s car sitting there. That had my radar up. Too bad I didn’t have psychic abilities. If I had I would have driven my car straight into the back-end of the car and smashed it into the house. My crystal ball was broken that day.

Instead of smashing the car, I parked in the garage and walked through the laundry room towards the kitchen. The air in the house was heavy. My husband and his friend were sitting at the kitchen table grim-faced. Panic and fear set in. I felt nauseous. This is how I felt when my parents had died. I knew that look.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

Holding a pile of papers toward me, my husband said, “You need to look at these.”

I refused to touch them. I just looked at him confused and betrayed. I knew what it was but I wanted confirmation.

“What is it?”

He looked almost ashamed as he said, “Separation papers. I want a divorce.”

I felt as if I had been slapped. I began to hyperventilate. I couldn’t breathe. But instead of sitting and trying to catch my breath, I began flinging open cabinet doors wordlessly. I turned and ran down the hall and up the stairs. I ran through the bedroom to his closet and ripped the door open. It was empty. I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor crying. Hot tears poured down my face. I sat there with my head in my hands on the floor of the closet.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into the face of my betrayer. His face wordlessly asked for absolution. I just stared at him.

He said, “Come on. You need to get up.”

I flinched at his touch. He was a stranger to me. I did get up and walked to the dresser and began looking through it. He touched my arm again and told me to stop. That is when the fury came forth.

I spun around and asked, “Why?! Why would you do this to me?”

He quietly said, “I’m not happy.”

I think he heard the ridiculousness of his words. I looked at him and shook my head. Then I mockingly yelled, “You’re not happy? Boo-freaking-hoo! Do you think I am? But at least I tried!”

I walked to the door frame and punched it over and over until my hand was bleeding. His friend yelled from downstairs, “Y’all need to calm down!” His words infuriated me. I was being humiliated in my own home and that bastard was telling me to calm down? I marched to the top of the stairs. He was standing at the base of the stairs.

“You son of a bitch! Don’t you ever tell me what to do! Get the hell out of my house! Now!”

He stood there like a deer in the headlights. He looked up at me and then at the door. The longer he waited, the angrier I got.

“Did you not hear me? If you don’t get the hell out of my house right now I will come down there and kick your ass!”

My husband’s friend ran out the front door without looking back.

I turned to my husband and said quietly, “There went your back-up.”

My husband was telling me to calm down. I looked at him as if he had lost his mind. He pleadingly said, “We need to bandage your hand. You’re bleeding.”

I scoffed as I said, “A band-aid, huh? You just ripped my heart out but you are concerned about a little blood on my hand! That’s a joke, right?”

He knew he was on thin ice and that he was lucky that his face wasn’t the doorframe. I knocked into him as I stormed into the bathroom and ran water over my hand. I wrapped a wet wash cloth around my hand and sat on the bed with my back towards him. I couldn’t even look at him. I was hurt, angry, betrayed and overwhelmed.

He said, “I need to go.”

The word need was the catalyst for the rage that overcame me again.

“Need? No. you want to leave. Don’t hand me that bullshit. You want to run to your mama and let her know you’re finally rid of me. Go. Nobody’s stopping you.”

The gauntlet had been thrown when I brought up his mother. He started yelling at me. I can’t even remember what he said. I was just happy to have pissed him off. Finally I had enough and said, “Give me your hand.” I pulled his wedding ring off and threw it in his face and said, “Get out of my damn house, you bastard!”

As he walked away I slammed the bedroom so hard that it shook the doorframe.

Disclaimer: This is part of my fiction and in a series I am calling Vignettes. I often come up with story ideas but only have time to write pieces. In order to keep those thoughts and possibly get constructive criticism I am posting them on my blog. I hope you enjoy and appreciate. Some events are real. Some are absolute fiction. 

Elizabeth 9/11/11

Elizabeth was home alone on Saturday. She had cleaned the house until it sparkled like a commercial on tv. She looked at the clock and shook her head. It was only 3 in the afternoon. She was tired and felt dirty. It was still early enough to take a nap but she needed a shower first. She didn’t want to dirty the fresh sheets she had put on the bed.

After a quick shower she climbed into bed. She hadn’t slept too well the night before and all the cleaning had wiped her out. She wished her brain would shut down like her body wanted to. She was exhausted. She nestled deeper into the bed and finally sleep overcame her.

Hours later and Elizabeth felt much better physically. Her body was no longer dragging but it was now 6 in the evening and she was wide awake and alone. This was not a good thing. It actually made her sad. She didn’t know what to do. All her friends were busy with their own lives. She didn’t have a significant other to call or so something with. She was sad. She cooked an easy meal and moped. She sat in front of the tv watching a movie that didn’t interest her and she wanted to cry.

She felt frustrated. As a therapist she gave advice daily to people who dealt with the same situations. She tried to recall what she told them. She was angry with herself. She had felt lonely at points in her life, but today was different. She hadn’t understood how painful it really was until now. It was as if she was suddenly wiser but yet that wisdom was useless. She understood her clients’ pain yet her advice now seemed meaningless. Maybe now she would be able to come up with something that could actually help. Maybe that was the point of this. She wasn’t sure. The only thing Elizabeth was sure of tonight was that she was bored, lonely, frustrated, angry, and hurt. She didn’t want to play therapist tonight. She would save that for tomorrow. Tonight she was going to allow herself to feel whatever emotion crept in and hope that she could come up with solutions tomorrow.

Elizabeth finally fell asleep late. Sunday morning the phone woke her. It was Crystal. She wanted to know if Elizabeth was going to church with them. The depression that had come over her throughout the weekend  made her want to say no but Elizabeth knew that was the last thing she needed to do. She told Crystal she would be there for church but not Sunday School. She had never been a fan of Sunday School. This appeased Crystal and she was able to get off the phone and begin readying for church. She decided to take a change of clothes with her so she could get comfortable and play with Crystal’s kids. Maybe that would be enough to lift her spirits.

She arrived at the church a few minutes before the service was to begin. She saw Crystal looking for her and hurried towards her. “Where were you?” whispered Crystal. “I had to find a parking place,” Elizabeth whispered back. She had expected to be there sooner and didn’t realize parking was going to be such an issue. She sat down and waited for the pastor. He came out and spoke a few words before the choir sang their songs. Elizabeth was surprised at the music. She felt like she hadn’t been to church in forever because the music had changed quite a bit. She looked over at Crystal with a quizzical look and just received a smile and a slight hug in response.

After church Crystal turned to her and asked, “You coming for lunch?”

“Of course! Pass up real food and fun? No way!”

 

Elizabeth Sept 1 2011

Friday was a busy day. The first client would show at 9am. Elizabeth would see four clients and then clear up the office for the weekend. She would put away some paperwork and take out the trash and leave for the weekend.

By 1:30 she had seen her clients and felt as if she had watched soap operas all day. There was cheating, lying, and betrayal. She had tried to offer therapeutic solutions but no one was willing to hear any of it today. It was frustrating. Elizabeth was ready to leave the office and leave everything there. Her life wasn’t exciting but at least it wasn’t filled with drama. As she was driving home her cell phone rang. She saw that it was Crystal, her best friend, and she was surprised. Crystal usually didn’t have time to talk and Elizabeth was intrigued about the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey! Am I calling at a bad time?”

“No. I just left the office and am heading to the house. What’s up?”

“I needed adult conversation! I tried talking to the TV but it doesn’t respond appropriately.”

Elizabeth laughed and asked, “Really? We haven’t gotten that far with technology, huh? Where are the kids?”

“They went with Mike’s mother for the weekend. They left about an hour ago. You’d think I would welcome the silence but it is a little overwhelming. Have you eaten?”

“Not yet but I am starving. You want to meet somewhere or what?”

“How about we go to Mason’s Café? Always good stuff there.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea! I am craving a wrap. I have to change clothes first, though. I’m in therapist clothes and I want in regular old Elizabeth clothes.”

Crystal laughed and said, “How about we meet at your house and I’ll drive. We’ll eat and then just do whatever. Sound good?”

“Sounds good. Do you think we’ll be able to go to the grocery store? I have no food.”

“Sure. We can do whatever. Mike is working until about 6 tonight. One of the other doctors called out today and so he is seeing his patients, too. We may need to swing by his office to drop him some food. I’m going to text him and see if he wants anything. OK?”

“Sounds good. I should be home in about 20 minutes. If you get there first, use your key. Bye.”

Elizabeth beat Crystal to the house and she changed into jeans, t-shirt and a sweater and some boots. She looked at her hair and pulled it out of the bun and let it fall. She hated her hair falling in her face so she did pull it back a little. Crystal walked in and yelled, “Where are you?”

“Back here! Just about ready. Trying to get my hair to stay back a little without pulling it into a ponytail. I have had it pulled so long today that my hair actually hurts.”

Crystal came to the bathroom and assisted in pulling her hair back. “You are like Superman. You have different looks. I think you need some new clothes, though. How old is that sweater?”

Elizabeth shook her head. This was a usual conversation. Crystal was always trying to help her with life. Today was wardrobe. Next week would probably be decorating. Elizabeth usually conceded because Crystal had excellent taste. But she had to put up a little fight. She didn’t want Crystal to think she was a complete pushover.

Over lunch they talked about life, politics, family and every other subject under the moon. They were good enough friends that even if they disagreed they could do it amicably. They agreed to disagree on certain subjects. Sometimes they had a friendly argument but it was never anything serious. If they didn’t agree they were fine with it.

“Liz, I have a question,” Crystal said with a hesitation in her voice.

This automatically put Elizabeth on edge. Crystal usually just said what she wanted to say and didn’t lead into it.

“What?” Elizabeth asked.

“Hon, you haven’t been doing much lately. When are you going to start living your life?”

Elizabeth sighed and asked, “Have you been talking to my mother again?”

“Why do you ask that? I am asking because I care. I know that you have been unhappy and you’re getting stuck and I don’t want that for you. You help people all the time and you never do anything for yourself.”

“Crystal, I appreciate your concern. I do. I have thought about all of this, too. And I am considering some things. But right now I am just not in a place where I know exactly what I want to do. I am thinking and when I know what I want to do, I will let you know. What I want to do in the near future is get food for the house and clean it. I may get some plants, too. I’m not sure. How’s that? I’m not laying there crying all the time. I promise. A lot of times I come home just tired. Now do you feel better?”

Crystal smiled. She trusted Elizabeth to tell her the truth.

“Yes, I feel better. And are you sure about plants? The last ones you had died a terrible and painful death.”

Elizabeth laughed and said, “Yeah, I know. I heard there are plants that can take even the worst abuse and I was thinking of seeing what those were. I know I don’t need high maintenance plants.”

They spent the remainder of the afternoon shopping. Crystal made Elizabeth buy a few new clothes to spruce up her wardrobe under mild protests. They went to a nursery for plants and asked questions about the hardiest plants and explained how Elizabeth was a serial plant murderer. They decided to start off with the easiest ones and got a philodendron and a jade plant. Elizabeth decided if she could keep those alive for a month she would try other things as well. The final stop was the grocery store. Crystal tried to take over shopping but Elizabeth had to reign her in and remind her that she was shopping for one person rather than four.

“Sorry, Liz. I feel like I am shopping for a small army at times. It’s really different shopping for one, isn’t it?”

Elizabeth sighed and responded, “Yeah, unfortunately it really is. I can’t buy a lot of things because they’ll go bad. Some of my meals are more snack-like because I almost don’t see the point in cooking a complete meal for one person. I know I need good food, but it is a lot of hassle to cook something like lasagna for one, ya know?”

Crystal frowned a little and said, “Yeah, I can definitely see your point. How about the next time I make lasagna I have you over? That way you get to visit with your family and you get great food? See? Kill two birds with one stone! OK?”

Elizabeth laughed and agreed. That’s what she loved about Crystal. There was an ease to their relationship. There was no expectation or motive. It was just love and camaraderie. They had been friends forever. They met in middle school when Elizabeth was the new girl at school. She was quiet and shy and so scared. No one really wanted to talk to her. They thought she was snobby. Crystal saw past that and realized it wasn’t snobbishness at all and that it was just shyness. Crystal took her under her wing and they were instantly friends. That was almost 30 years ago and they were still the best of friends.

As the unloaded groceries at Elizabeth’s house, she brought that memory up. “Crystal do you remember when you and I became friends?” Crystal smiled and said, “Oh yes. A few girls thought you were such a snob and I kept thinking that your actions didn’t seem snobby. So I talked to you. It turned out that you were just shy.” They laughed and reminisced about old times. Crystal brought Elizabeth out of her shell through the years and Elizabeth was the voice of reason through the years. They were opposites and yet their friendship worked.

“So what are your plans for the weekend, Liz?”

“I have to do a lot of cleaning. I have been so tired lately and have been working later in the night that I have been neglecting some things. So tomorrow I plan to just spend the day here working around the house and tending to things. How about you? You’re going to be kid-free for the weekend. What are you going to do?”

“Well, tonight Mike is going to be exhausted so I know he will crash when he gets home. I am not sure about tomorrow. I have tried to ask him about us doing something like a real date and can’t get him to commit to anything. I think he and I are both a little confused about not having the kids in the house. We’ll figure it out I am sure. Sunday we will go to church and get the kids from his mom. She’ll be ready for the reprieve. And probably just hang out around the house. You’re welcome to join us.”

“I might swing by Sunday. I’ll let you know. Mom wants me to come over. I just don’t know if I am up for another of her self-improvement days.”

Crystal laughed. Elizabeth’s mother, Maggie, was about as subtle as Dolly Parton. Maggie loved Elizabeth and thought her daughter deserved everything in the world. She just didn’t always consider that what she thought was everything and what Elizabeth thought was everything was actually different things. Crystal loved them both dearly and considered Maggie as part of her extended family. She just had to take Maggie with a grain of salt and laugh about some of her antics. She knew that wasn’t so easy for Elizabeth. It never was when it was your own mother.