So Much On My Mind
It seems like sometimes there is too much information for my poor mind to hold. I don’t know why this time of year seems to do that to me. Is it the beginning of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) or is it just that fall is the typical time of year when my already chaotic life gets more chaotic?
I’m not sure what the answer is. I do know that many of the biggest and not so greatest moments of my life started in the fall. They were hard times. So am I preparing myself for what always seems to the inevitable? Or is there something else happening?
I have had people on my mind that I can’t speak to anymore. Maybe that has brought a sadness to my heart. Or maybe the chill of the autumn air has chilled my blood and heart. So maybe I am missing the people I lost. Maybe I am reliving the attack on me of 2008 that has left me with a torn rotator cuff that I can’t afford to get repaired. (It happened in the fall.) It’s hard to determine which is which.
All I know is that I wish there wasn’t so much on my mind. It not only makes my head and heart too full but also causes pain. And there’s not enough ibuprofen to make it stop hurting. Believe me, I have to take at least two 800 mg doses daily.
I think the mind has its own memory system that we can’t necessarily control all the time. It doesn’t matter if it is a good memory or a bad memory. It is etched in the brain and it takes a lot of effort to control it.
I haven’t really had anyone to talk to about this so if anyone reads this, thanks. I appreciate it.